What Eva

Quote of the Day

"There are well-dressed foolish ideas just as there are well-dressed fools."

-- Diane Ackerman

2.28.06
8:07pm

Hello. UGH. What a day. Nothing good about it except the nap I got to take before Isaiah came home from school. So, after Isaiah came home, everything went down hill. Evelyn started getting cranky (she finally has a tooth coming in) and Isaiah wanted to play on the X-Box but I kept saying no because I was watching my soap operas. Normally I could have watched it on the other TV, but since that room is right over where my mom and dads room is, I didn't want to have Evelyn there crying because he would be able to hear it. So, Isaiah kept bugging me, and bugging me, until finally I told him that if he doesn't stop bugging me I am going to send him to his room and he won't play at all. That shut him up. So, at 2pm I was all done. I told him that he could play. When I came back into the room, the machine was on, but he was not playing. He was upstairs hanging out with James. I told Isaiah I was going to turn it off unless he got on there and started playing. He did. Right away. Then I left the room, came back, and again he was not playing! I told him that was it..."Go to your room and get in your bed." I was just so tired of it. Evelyn was still whining as it was, and I was not going to sit there and have this machine on for him to not be playing. So he cried on his way up there but he did indeed get in his bed and fall asleep. So, then I was stuck with Evelyn, who was being very loud, and frustrating. I tried putting her down for a nap...but she slept for about 30 minutes and that was it. Our desk came, during all of this, and as I mentioned before they make you bring it up to the house yourself. That thing was so very heavy. It was a pain in the butt. But that is here, and hopefully we will start putting that together tonight. I am sure that it will take several days to do it. So. Then Isaiah wakes up, and keep in mind too that I am a cleaning freak, and have not cleaned up anything all day yet, and he starts saying that his tummy hurts. I'm thinking that he could be sick, who knows. He proceeds to tell me that he has to "Go poo." I said ok, go to the bathroom. Well that ended up being his problem. So far this evening he has messed his pants 3 times now because he is having a tummy problem. So I am washing those clothes right now. He seems to be ok now. Evelyn was in a better mood it seemed, but she couldn't figure out what she wanted to do. Finally, I just decided to feed her, gave her some Infant Motrin, and after saying goodnight to everyone put her tired behind to bed. Now, I am finally feeling more peaceful. Isaiah is actually playing his video games, and I am sitting in the main living room watching American Idol and typing this out. My mom is making muffins, which I plan on eating very soon. She has been very nice today helping to clean things up and making those muffins. OH, and to top it all off, she was over here talking to me when she suddenly asked, "What's wrong with your eye?" Well, turns out that I have blood in my eye again from another popped blood vessel. I am telling you people this day just gets better and better. Now that blood is going to run down into my eye and look gross. I imagine it is from all the stress I have had today. I hope that it goes away soon. I have to take Evelyn to her 9 month old check up soon and I don't want to look like a freak. Her appointment is this Friday. Ugh, I am telling you this day is just not shaping up to be anything special.
James just came down stairs to finish working. He has been working all day upstairs in our room. He said he was feeling lonely. He has been working so hard lately. Luckily I am not really lonely at night, since my mom is here and everything. She found some jobs today that she is going to apply at. I hope that she finds something else that she can really enjoy. I know that she doesn't want to be doing banking forever. And the bank that she is working at is so very old too. Anyway, I am going to go now. I think that it is quite time that I just sat down to do nothing at all. Talk to you all later. Bye.

     This morning I went across the street to my neighbors house. Tammy and Nino. I planned on asking her if she knew anyone who might want Evelyn's used clothes and car seat. She told me about the lady 5 houses down (who I had met before) who's daughter is the same age as Evelyn, but smaller in size. It is her first daughter. So after hanging out in their house for a while and talking, I came home and called her up. She did indeed want the clothes, but she didn't need the car seat. i went a head and walked the box down to her house (it was snowing at the time, but surprisingly nice out) to get rid of it now instead of later. I hung out in her house for a while too. I noticed right a way that both homes I went into today are pretty different from each other. Usually when you live in a subdivision all the homes are pretty much the same look, the same design inside, with maybe a few differences. But all of the homes around me in our neighborhood all look very different. I have only seen two at most that look like they could possibly be the same layout as ours. I think that is really cool. I wouldn't want to feel like everyone knew what my house looked like. I mean wouldn't it be strange to invite someone over who had never been to your house before, yet they already knew where the bathroom was? That would bug me. Although according to James, everything bugs me. He told me a couple days ago that he would like to start keeping a list of everything that I say bugs me, and then after a while he will show it to me and I can see how silly they all are. I told him that's fine, but after I read them I will most likely be annoyed all over again. If they bugged me once, they most likely will again, and again. I can't help myself. Plus, that would be a very long list. I mean lets be realistic. lol
     Anyway, so later on Tammy and Nino came over here to see the house and chat for a while. He is on vacation, so he has some time right now. I really liked having them here. I was thinking that it would be cool to become friends with them. How fun would that be? To have good friends right across the street. I guess Nino likes to play video games too, so he is supposed to call James soon to set up a time this week to get together and play some games. I swear I feel like I am writing about one of my kids having a play date. It just sounds funny. It's like, "Oh James, is Nino going to come over today and play with you?" lol This is what I live with people.
     So anyway, I was able to keep things pretty clean around here today. I was impressed with it at first, but then I realized that it was only because my son was playing the game Halo 2 on the X-Box practically all day long. So for once he was not making a gigantic mess. It was nice though. I know that we used to be more time restrictive with him in regards to how long he was allowed to play a day. But I think that we just got lazy or too busy, I don't know which. Strangely I am not too concerned with how much he plays anymore. I am constantly amazed at how good her is. Sometimes I try play 2 player with him, on Halo 2, and the kids kicks my butt. And this is a hard game...I am willing to guess that most kids his age can't play this game. But he does, and he does it well. Watching how he learns from his mistakes, and seeing how well his hand eye coordination is...well, it just impresses me.
     Tomorrow our new computer desk is arriving sometime between 12noon and 4pm. So that probably means 6pm or later right? lol I will be very happy to get it here, and get it put together. I just want to have that room unpacked and together. I want to be able to go sit up there and be alone on the computer. Sometimes you just don't want everyone around you...you know? It's nice to be alone. Especially if you have a kid like I do who always tell you that he wants to get on the computer.
     I am in shock that tomorrow is the last day of February. May is coming to quickly. Evelyn is going to be one year old in no time. Sometimes I feel like it just flew past me, like I blinked. I keep thinking that she can't possibly be hitting that land mark. And Isaiah, 4 years old! I really just don't know what happened. There are so many time that I look at Evelyn and see him, remember moments when he was a little baby. It's times like that when I understand why people will have more than two kids, you just want to keep on having those sweet baby moments. I don't want them to grow up. I don't want to forget all the little things that they do that make me laugh. I want to remember it all. If I could record their lives at these ages 24/7, I would. Just so I could watch them whenever I wanted. I know, I am being silly. But I really am going to be sad when my little boy isn't so little anymore. I am so very thankful that I take a lot of pictures. I plan on looking at them all the time...and crying a lot. lol
     Ok, I think that is all for tonight. I might go get in bed and read some. I don't really know. I could paint I guess. Oh, no I can't, the paints are in Evelyn's room. I am not going to risk waking her up for that. Well, I will write some more tomorrow then. Bye.

     Well, you won't believe what happened...I broke my laptop, for good. I was sitting at the dining room table this morning, eating my cereal, checking stuff out on different websites and such. Then, it happened...I spilled milk on my laptops keyboard!!! As soon as it happened, I knew that there was no saving it. But still, I got up and grabbed some paper to dry it off. I even took some of the keys off and dried underneath them. Well, about 10 minutes later it happened. The M key stopped working, then the comma key, then the space bar. Then the down arrow button got permanently stuck, and every web page that I went to it just scrolled all the way down right away and I was unable to put it back. So basically I can't properly view any page. I was mad. I was mad and was getting very frustrated. I told James of course about all of this. He tried to fix things, but to no avail. We decided to go ahead and buy me a new laptop now, instead of later. We went to Best Buy, looking for a new one that had a good amount of ram, a good graphics card, and some other stuff that James and I agreed I could use. I found a couple that I liked ok, and then I found one that I liked a lot. It had a white keyboard, and everything inside was excellent quality. Good hard drive, and ram. I told James that I wanted that one. We came home, and James looked online for that one, or one just like it, while I was upstairs cleaning out the office. We should be getting that desk delivered soon, and I wanted to have that room ready. Anyway, after a while we decided that the one I liked was the right one to get. So we transferred the correct amount of money into our account online, and in no time at all, I had a new computer on it's way to my house. i imagine it will be here by the end of the week. Until then, I am using James' computer to check my email, and of course do this journal. I am typing especially slow though, because I am not used to his keyboard. Anyway, so when it comes I will be happy, but it is going to take me awhile to get used to another computer, put all my stuff on it (thankfully we transferred all my important stuff onto James') and just get the feel for it in general.
     So, besides that, everything went pretty well today. Evelyn is doing good, Isaiah is too, me? well I am still sick, and it is maddening that I am not getting over this cold. James is doing better right now, but he still has sudden moments where he is in quite a bit of pain. I feel so bad for him. We didn't go to church this morning either. We were going to. Remember how I wrote about how I found another Antioch Baptist Church, on the same street as the one we went to last week? Remember how I wrote that the picture of the Pastor was of him, with his wife, and a little boy? Well, this morning I went back to that website...to get directions so I could find out how long of a drive it would be, and guess what? Just guess? It ended up being the same church we went to before!! The page that I saw that other Pastors picture on...GONE. I know I didn't imagine it...my mom saw it too. Yet it was gone. Not there. I was baffled. By the time we figured out that there really truly wasn't another Antioch Baptist Church and I really must be delusional, the other church we were interested in had already started. So, we ended up skipping church today. But I will say this...I know that I didn't imagine seeing that page with the Pastors picture...I saw it, and it was a different Pastor then the one we met at the other church who was their Pastor. I feel o like I am trying to prove that I am not in fact crazy. But oh well. I know what I saw.
     Right now I am watching the end of the movie Shawshank Redemption. You know, it must be one of the best prison movies out there. Touching, heartbreaking, dramatic, all sorts of emotions all rolled into one. Excellent.   Anyway, so all I have to do now tonight is clean up one living room, and that's it. I am always excited when I know that I am going to be able to go to bed at a decent hour. So, goodnight folks. Here's to another day that God has made.

     I just finished dying my moms hair. It turned out really good even though it wasn't quite what she was hoping for. I have wanted to dye my hair for a long time...but I can never seem to get myself to do it. I am the kind of person who likes it, and then once it starts growing out it looks dumb...but since I usually don't plan on dying it again, I have to let it grow out...which takes forever since I have long hair. The last time I did this I learned my lesson because I had dyed my hair black...not realizing how dumb it would look when it grew out having half my hair black and the top half brown. I actually have pictures we had taken at Tri-Star with my hair looking like that still on my wall. I can't help it, they are one of my favorites. But, I think that if I was to dye it, I would try for a funky red. I have always wanted to do that, but I continually stop myself since people always tell me that I shouldn't. Someday I will.
     James was feeling better again today. Every once in a while you will see him stop and flinch from pain, but other than that he was pretty good. He even took Isaiah and my mom out to do my errands today. Isaiah used some of his own money from his doggy bank to buy a new toy too. A cool King Kong toy that beats it's chest and growls and opens it mouth so it can pretend to eat people. Pretty cool actually.
     Anyway, so I didn't do much today. Kept the house clean, and even got in a nice nap. I did really well with my diet again today and am very hopeful that I will continue to do so. I realize what part of my problem is. I love to taste food. I love it. I see something that I know is going to taste good, and I end up desperately wanting a bite. And then another bite, and another. I can't help myself. Especially when it comes to sweet things. One thing that I can not help but just eat straight out of the bag if they are here is marshmallows. I love those things and somehow they end up tasting even better if you take a bunch of them and mush them together with a couple of your fingers. It almost looks like your hand is one of those large machines that they use to make taffy, and when you take a bite of it, well, somehow the marshmallows just taste even better. I don't know why. The other problem that I have in regards to eating, and gaining weight, is that when I am bored, or just currently having nothing in particular to do, I go straight to the refrigerator and eat. Or at least, I go there and look for something to eat or drink. I don't always find something if I am dieting, because I keep the things I shouldn't have out of the house. But, if I am not, well then odds are there will be something somewhere I can find. I can't help myself. So what I end up having to do for the kids, is buy things that they will like, but I will not like at all. For instance, I was glad that when my mom bought some candies for the candy jar, they were generic M&M's, and I didn't like them at all...so problem solved. Someday though, far into the future, I hope that they invent some kind of way to make it so we as a people, can just have something surgically put in us, or take a pill, something, that will regulate our weight for us to exactly where it should be, and keep it there no matter what we do or eat. That would be a dream come true. I would be a part of that experiment for sure.
     My computer is still having problems. I won't go into what those problems are right now, especially since it is hard to explain, but the point of it all is that we tried to buy something in the hopes that it would fix the problem, it didn't, and now I am most likely going to have to buy a new one. I really like mine though. Every time that I look online for another laptop, I can never find another one like this. I need to start backing all my stuff up. Putting all my pictures on CD's and video's I have also on CD.
     Well, anyway, that is all for now. I will tell you about church tomorrow. Bye.

     Today James was feeling much better, although he said there was still some pain. He went to the doctor and she said he would need to have some x-rays taken, so off he went to Saint Josephs Medical Center to have that taken care of. My dad was driving him around this whole time. He has the day off from work. I hope that they get the results back soon so we can figure out what is going on. My dad had his physical today also, besides the usual back problems, everything is good. And last night he had a really good nights sleep too. I hope that becomes a trend. My mom and dad are gone at the moment, watching a movie, so we are taking advantage and are stomping around loudly and making lots of noise playing with Isaiah. Although I suspect that they should be home soon. I can't believe that February is almost over. It went by way to fast. Next month is my dads birthday, and my cousin, and my nephew, all on the same day. I already know what I want to get my dad as a present. I am sure that it is something that he is going to love. I won't write it out on here though, just incase.
     I was able to clean up my house pretty nice today. Downstairs at least. Like I said before, the upstairs is another matter. Cleaning down here takes a long time as it is. Some exciting parenting stuff happened today though. I decided to give Evelyn a sippy cup, and guess what? She started using it!! I couldn't believe it. She is getting so big. We are going to buy some more cups for her next month so we can eventually get rid of the bottle all together. I think we would only need it for her first feeding in the morning, because she usually just drinks a bottle around 6am and then goes back to sleep. And she is feeding herself Cheerios really well also. I was worried that she would just constantly be choking on them, but she has really got the hang of mashing them in her mouth first.
     Anyway, so besides all that, nothing else happened. Tomorrow I will go to Target to return those clothes, and we are in desperate need of baby formula. I probably have enough for two more bottles. That is not very good. So, I will go for now. And write more tomorrow. I feel like I need a break from the busy (yet boring) day I had. lol Bye.

     Well, today wasn't good for James. I have never seen him in so much pain. I feel so helpless. Besides helping him get around the house by being his personal crutch, there is nothing that I can do. I feel like there should be something...but no. All I can do is watch him make strange faces as he moves. He refuses to take pain medication, and said that he will also refuse them if the doctor gives him some. Evidently, he thinks that unless the medication is going to actually fix what is causing the pain, then there is no point in taking it. After all, if he has pain meds in him, how will he know if he is actually getting any better. I guess that makes sense, but I also feel like if you can ease your pain, that you should. I just hope that the doctors appt he has in the morning is able to give us some answers. I also hope that he doesn't need any surgery, because we don't really have health insurance, we have a health care plan. We pay for 30% of all procedures and doctor visits. So, if something major was needed, we would have to get James some insurance by himself, so that way we could do it.
     Also, today Isaiah and I went to get Pizza. While we were waiting we went to the pet store that was two stores down. OH MY GOODNESS!!! They had a whole wall length of puppies for sale. All types of different breeds. I was so happy but also so sad because I couldn't take a single one home. They even had my favorite type of dog, a Yorkie Terrier. OH I wanted to buy one so bad. But I know that I can't, it was heart breaking. I was glad to know though that they keep every single pet until it is sold. They do not destroy (kill is the right word) any of them. And they get all of the dogs through USDA approved breeders. That made me happy. I just hated leaving them though. I wanted to take them all. They even had James' favorite dog, the Bassett Hound. I love puppies. Of course if I brought home another small cute dog Coco would kill me. She would be one mad little dog. So it's for the best.
     If you read Pastor Robs blog, (and odds are you do, who doesn't?) then you saw the letter I sent him. I am glad that he started that blog, it will help the church grow I think. Doing exciting things with the church website that people will want to look at is always good. It will help them look at other stuff you have on there. I did think it was funny that he didn't even give me a link, I mean really, who is going to know what "WhatEva" is, if they don't get to see it right? lol Makes perfect sense to me. :-)   Pastor Rob wrote back to me something about how Pastor Bobby has to be careful what he affiliates himself with, since he is the director of missions here. HHHMMMM....what is that implying??? lol
     I had a big screw up with our finances today. I spent some money that wasn't supposed to get spent, and now we are going to be pretty short on cash. I was so mad at myself. I couldn't believe it happened. And if it wasn't for that, we would have had so much extra. UGH, I was mainly upset that I might have disappointed James. But he said it is just money, and that I shouldn't worry about it. What a great guy huh? He is probably just in too much pain to care. lol I probably could have bought a new car and he would have said that. :-)
     I have been struggling to remember to pray at night. It's not like I don't want to. I do, very much. And I used to with out fail all the time, before I had Isaiah. I have noticed though that ever since his birth, I forget more and more frequently, and it seems like since Evelyn's birth especially, I have practically forgotten all together. I hate it. I try hard to remember, but I am always so tired at night from being up so late, that when I do settle in to bed, I just go to sleep. I pray with Isaiah every night of course, but my own I forget. And we never pray before dinner either. That is something we have just never done though. I do pray, but to myself and in my own head. As does James.   It is hard to adjust to trying to do these things out loud for your kids to learn about. I really need to try harder.
     Oh, did I tell you that I started Weight Watchers again? This is my third day. I did really good today too. I was quite proud. I hope that I can lose at least seventy pounds in the end. I could feel happy and comfortable there. Of course, I won't tell you what I really weigh, what fun would that be? At least I don't look like what I weigh though, I have always been very glad of that.
     Anyway, I am done I guess. I will talk to you all later. Bye.

Hello. Not a very exciting day really. I just got done talking online with Lorenda and Tiffany at the same time. It was great!! I love the internet. And Lorenda is going to take her old camera and microphone to Tiffany in a week or so then we can see her too. YEA I am just so happy. This makes me feel so much better about being over here. Anyway, I typed that first line at the time above, and now it is 12:29am. I still haven't cleaned up anything, and I have to wake up at 6am to take Isaiah to school. AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Ok, so this will be short then. Talk to you all later. Bye

     Today I spent a lot of money. $438.00 worth. I went shopping for Evelyn to get new clothes and a new car seat, and I couldn't decide what kind of clothes James would think we should get, and so I bought whatever I wanted, and I told James to just pick out the stuff that he thinks we should really take back. I already picked out the stuff that we are for sure keeping, and I gave him all the other just cute stuff that I would like to keep. Hopefully he will keep some of the cute dresses. I really liked those. The car seat is what's expensive. Eighty bucks for that thing. I didn't pick the cheapest one, but it wasn't the most expensive. I can't believe how much they are asking for some of these things. I saw one going for almost two hundred dollars! Crazy! I mean I don't care how nice they make it look, it is still just plastic and cloth all wrapped up together. And anyway, it's not like my 9 month old needs to have leather on her seat. Odds are she is just going to spill a bunch of stuff on it anyway. Why would anyone buy something like that for their kid? I don't get it. I think that even if I was very rich I could still not get myself to spend money with such little care. I don't even let myself spend more than thirty dollars on a pair of shows. Generally, I only spend $15.00. If my kids think for even a second when they are older that they will convince me that they "need" a fifty dollar pair of Nikes, well, they will be very disappointed.
     I am watching American Idol, and there is this one girl who is the "attitude" girl I guess you could say, anyway, whatever contestants aren't singing are up on a balcony watching. Well, that girl, every time they show her, is making these strange faces. It's like she is giving an evil grin. Some times, she is even having her mouth in this certain way that it looks like she is simply sticking her teeth out. I don't know how to explain it, but I don't think that she is going to be making it that far anyway. She isn't good enough. There were actually a couple girls who were only ok, and I know they are forgettable. That's what Simon would say at least. lol
     Today was shaping up to be a painful day for James. His hip practically went out on him two times. This has been happening much more frequently. Some times he will be walking and almost collapse to the ground because it will just stop working, and hurt really bad.    Both his knees do the same thing too. He really needs to go to the doctor, but telling him is one thing, him doing it is another. I finally convinced him to call tomorrow. I hope that he makes sure that they do an ex-ray or something. UGH, he just called me over to put Isaiah to bed, and when I went to the other living room I found him laying on the couch. He said he tried to get up, but the pain was too much for him. That's saying something, because James isn't the kind of guy who admits to having pain. I had to help him sit up and I got him to take a pain pill. I don't know how I am going to get him upstairs into bed. Please pray for him to get better.
     On a happier note, I am so very happy that Tiffany is now online. I was able to chat with her online, and she emailed me earlier about some personal feelings she was having today. I was able to get the email pretty quickly since I check it often, and called her right away. I was glad. A little bit ago, I talked to her again on yahoo messenger. I am just so glad about it. Oddly enough I haven't talked to Lorenda today. James did, but it seems like something has just always been happening today. If I wasn't shopping I was doing something else here. My Skype messenger says she is online, but she most have just left it on by accident, because she isn't answering. Oh well. I will call her later.
     So, that's about it. I am going to go clean up my kitchen now. I better get it done quick, so I can take care of my crippled husband. lol Bye for now. :-)

2.20.06
11:39pm

Hello there. Well it's another day. Nothing much happening here. Today I did a lot of cleaning, and I also spent some time with Isaiah in his room. Really it was a very uneventful holiday. Not that I even consider this a real holiday. I know that some people take this day seriously, but I don't. I don't even think about it actually. I suppose that it is good for the schools, they then have the opportunity to teach about ex-presidents, but I think that for me, or maybe just for my generation, it does not hold as much historical value. Maybe we are just a spoiled generation, and are not as in touch with such things as older generations are. Not that I am proud of that, but I am just stating a possible fact. I mean generations that went through the big wars, and went through the depression, they are more likely to be thoughtful of the holidays like Veterans Day, Memorial Day, Presidents Day, and Flag Day. These are all holidays that I do not think about. I suppose that if you are just not ever brought up to think that they hold a very big importance, you just won't.
Anyway, it is so very late now. Almost 1am. I hate to end this so soon, but I have been on the phone with Lorenda this whole time so you can blame her. I would. lol I have to take Isaiah to school in the morning though and then I plan on sleeping the morning away. I love that. Sleeping the day away, is a great way to spend the day. Now there is a good quote. lol Talk to you all later, bye.

     Hello to one and all. Today was a busy day. To start off, we woke up and got ready to go to church. It was very cold outside. I mean it felt as if the cold was actually biting us. Even with my gloves on my hands were chilly. So, we had to bundle up Evelyn really good...I left her in her pajama's, put socks over that, a dress, then a sweater. She was fine with all of that, but then we put the jacket on her and that was the last straw. She cried the whole way to church. We attended Antioch Baptist Church. It was good. I like the church building, (the church is 35 years old) I think I like the people, can't be sure just yet, and the singing was good, except it sounded like they hadn't practiced, because they were not all in sync. But at least these people had a drum set and a guitar that got used. I suppose that I will check it out again, but I still want to look into the Pine View church. There is actually another Antioch Baptist Church further down the same road the other one is on. I just found it online while looking for the first ones website. This one has a much younger pastor, which probably means that his style of preaching will be more modern/my style. I might want to go there.
     Anyway, so after that we went to Costco, and I picked up the pictures that I ordered. The 11x14's turned out really good, and I am so excited about taking more. The only problem (and of course there would be one) is that not all of my frames are for 11x14's, but that is the first large size that Costco does. They don't do 10x13. So, to make it easier on myself, and to make things look nicer, I am going to be buying all new frames. This was everything is one color, and I don't have to worry about trying to match things up anymore. Of course I am going to have to order these online, since most stores don't have 9 of the same large frame. (Time passes) Ok, I just looked up at Target.com what kind of frames they have. I found a really nice black one that was only $16.99. That's a good price. Of course, for nine of them it costs $152.00 ouch! That's never good. I saved the frame to the shopping cart on the website, and I will talk to James about it later I think.
     So, I am so happy because today I found out that Tiffany has internet and it is all working!! I helped her get an email address, and then I set her up with a messenger to use. Actually I am chatting with her husband Eric right now. I was finally able to send her pictures of our house. She still hadn't seen it. I am just so glad to be able to chat with her online now, and email. It's frustrating sometimes when people you love don't have computers. You know what is worse? When you have a computer and something starts to go wrong with it. My laptop is having a problem. Either the power cord is breaking, or the area it plugs into is breaking, we don't know which. Earlier I ordered a new power cord, of that doesn't help then we will most likely buy me a new one in about a months time. I really don't want to, after all I like mine, but I must admit that it is getting pretty worn out in other areas too, it's old, and it might just be this ones time to go.
      (I am hungry, be right back.)
     Anyway, so I wanted to talk about what I wrote last night really quick. This morning I got a response from Pastor Rob about it. In this email he said he was sorry that I was feeling so homesick...homesick??....oh my goodness, duh!! I never, in this entire time, realized that was what I was feeling. I am homesick!! I honestly never even occurred to me. I thought that I simply wasn't as happy here, but it never even dawned on me that I was simply feeling homesick because I miss everything about it. Pastor Rob went on to say that when they left Michigan and moved to Galt that he went through that for 2 years. Wow, did that ever help. It felt so good to know that I was not alone. You see, it didn't even go through my mind that I would experience those feelings. I thought I would simply either like it here, or not. And I do like it here, yet still all these other feeling remain. So it was nice to know that it is normal, and that eventually, even if it takes some years, it will pass. So...thank you Pastor Rob!!
Well, that's all for now I guess. I am going to do some more frame pricing I guess. Till tomorrow. Bye.

     Hi, sorry about last night. I could have written something, but I just wanted to spend some time with James instead. We watched some new episodes of Justice League Unlimited that I downloaded, and then we went upstairs and just hung out together. I took a nice hot bath to relax, and he read the new book I bought. I also started a new letter to Evelyn. I am planning on writing at least 3 pages to her. So I did the first page last night. I didn�t want to try to write it all out at once; because I want to make sure I get my thoughts out good. Yesterday wasn�t too exciting though. I cooked dinner but it didn�t turn out that great. It was steak, and it looked like it was going to take a while to cook, but I was wrong and it ended up being over done. And, I had too much spice on it. It was just bad. But the dogs liked it.
     Today however is full of activity. So far I have cleaned up one two rooms, made a mess of another, taken more pictures of the kids, and then I just finished ordering some at the Costco website. I even ordered 2 11x14�s of Evelyn. I need to take some better ones of Isaiah though. I think that James wants to have color shots now. So I will most likely pick a day when it is not too cold outside (and it is today, like 14 degrees!) and then I can dress him up nice and take some good pictures. I am excited to be able to do this myself. I think that I am pretty good.
     The time is now 12:25am, and we just got back from Jeff and Jens house. We went to dinner and had a great time, and then went back to their place and hung out for a while playing a game. James won, nothing new there. I am hoping that Jen will come over sometime soon; I told her that on one of her days off she should, then we could just hang out with out the guys. On the way home though I started crying. Not because of anything that happened, but I was thinking about something that will happen. When we fly home in May. I am so scared. I don�t really think that I can accurately explain to anyone what it feels like. It�s a crippling fear. It�s like I can feel inside of me that I am going to die on that plane, and what�s worse is knowing that my family will be there with me. It�s like I am going to be the cause of their death. I can�t explain it. There are no words for the utter fear I have. I started telling him (James) that although I like it here a lot, and I like the house, and I know I will be happy here, I am not as happy as I was in Lodi, and I miss everyone so much. I miss feeling safe and comfortable, knowing where I am going when I drive. I told him that besides having a new house, nothing in our lives has changed. Nothing. I feel like this was pointless. I mean yea, the schools will be better, and I know that I should want the best for the kids in regards to that, but part of me just says it doesn�t matter, plenty of people, a large amount I am sure, succeed even though they went to school in California. Parts of me wonder if I will ever be as happy here as I was back in Lodi. I just don�t know. I am a creature of habit, of things that are familiar, this is just not. I want to be home so bad, in my grandmas house even would be great�but I don�t want to fly there. Here I go crying again. Why do I do this to myself? Why am I doing this right now? I feel like an idiot.
     Anyway, I am going to be done for now. I feel slightly drained from all that emotion. I do miss you all�talk to you tomorrow. Bye.

Hello, I am not going to write anything tonight. Instead, I am going to spend this time hanging out with James. That's an extra two hours almost right there. Later.

2.16.06
12:23pm

     Hello. Happy Birthday to me!! Yea I am now 26 years old. I was hoping to go shopping today, but that just isn�t shaping up to be the case. That�s ok though, maybe James and I can take the kids shopping tomorrow morning, I wanted to go alone, but I just want to be able to go in the end, so I will take what ever I can get. lol My mom left me a note this morning to wish me a happy birthday. She left before I got up. This morning it was officially recognized that Evelyn can crawl backwards. Really, that shouldn�t count as crawling, as going backwards isn�t going to be doing her any good. But it is still something. I just got back a little bit ago from picking Isaiah up from preschool. Turns out that it is also his teacher�s birthday today. She is 3 years younger than me though. In my life time I have met quite a few people who have the same birthday as me. Most of them even the same year. I find it sort of strange to think that so many other people were being born on the same day as me. Even though I know there is most likely a bunch more. Possibly thousands even. But I have always had a hard time even dealing with the fact that there are people existing even as I type, living a life around me, yet I have no idea what they are even doing. It�s like, right now, I am aware of me, of what is happening in my house, what we all are doing. And I know that there are people all around me, in other houses, in Ca for instance, who are living their lives, doing everyday things, yet I am not actually aware of it, I can�t see them, can�t even be sure that they are alive. You just have to believe that YES, there are other people around us. Other people are doing things even if I don�t know about it. Does any of that make sense? Sometimes it is hard to explain those types of things. But I have always thought that way. Even when I am driving you know. You see all these people driving all around you, on the freeway, and I can�t help but wonder where are they going? Where are all these people off to? Work, school, the store, friend�s house, library??? Where are they all going? It just seems impossible that every single one of those cars has been somewhere and is going somewhere doesn�t? Well there you have it, one more thing that I randomly think about. lol
     Ok, the time is now 8:45pm. I just got back about 40 minutes ago from shopping with James. He was working earlier, and I told him that I would like for him to come with me. I love spending time with him alone, and my mom got home early, so it was a good opportunity. At first James said no, even though he was bored he said. Then, after I sat there for a while just watching tv, he said something that I can�t repeat here, and then said �Let�s GO!� I was so happy. He said that sometimes he forgets that he needs to just drop work and be with me�I was glad that he remembered. But honestly, he remembers quite often, he is always pretty good about it. So, with my mom watching the kids, we headed off. I wanted to go to the mall. So we did. We entered through the Van Maur store entrance. As soon as we walked in it was obvious that this was a ritzy store. They even had a man in a tuxedo playing the piano. We looked out of place. So we quickly headed out of that store and into the actual mall. We walked around the whole place practically, and while there I bought a really nice smelling perfume from the store Hot Topic called Queen of Owls. Also, I went into a Borders Express and bought a book that James and I would both enjoy a lot, about the Justice League of America. That wasn�t really that much of my money, so off we went to Target, where I was sure that I would find something else that I could buy. When we got there it was so windy. I don�t know what changed in such a short drive, but it did. While there though I bought the movie trivia game Scene It? You use your TV and DVD player to play that one. I also bought two music cd�s. The greatest hits of Gun�s n Roses, and Morningwood. Honestly, it was just so nice to be able to buy things that I liked, instead of worrying about what I need to buy instead. It was fun. When we got home my mom was upstairs, and Isaiah saw that it was us and opened the door and let Coco out to greet us. Well, James opened his door and she was right there jumping around like mad all excited, then next thing you know, we hear her screeching and she runs back up to the house. lol Guess she got to close to the invisible fence and got zapped. James started laughing like crazy. It was pretty funny.
She jammed back up to the front door. Didn�t have to tell her twice.
     My mom on the other hand was going insane. The kids were both driving her nuts, they weren�t being bad, they were just both crying, both needing something, the phone kept ringing, then more crying, more needing stuff. It was a little but crazy.
Anyway, so we just finished playing that game, Scene It. It was so much fun!! I was cracking up laughing because there were so many movies that I know I knew the answer to things but couldn�t think of the name. Anyway�it turned out to be a good birthday. 26 years and counting. Nite.

     Hello to one and all. What a great day. This morning we all woke up feeling good, in regards to the amount of sleep we got at least. My back was still hurting, and my voice sounded awful, but I was still in good spirits. Yep, it was gonna be a good day. I rested in bed for a while, just to let my back get some more relaxation, and James was nice enough to watch the kids by himself. While I was in the shower Isaiah came up to the bathroom and he was saying something, but I had no idea what it was. After a minute Isaiah opened the shower door to show me something. He had a card in his hand that was for me. Evidently, a package had been delivered to our house from James' mom and dad. Inside was a bunch of Valentine's Day cards for all of us, and a birthday card for me with some money. I am so excited to be able to go shopping and buy something just for me. I don't quite know what I want yet. But I am thinking about maybe a book, or some music. You know, I am just gonna really enjoy shopping for myself though, alone too. I don't think that I want anyone to come with me. lol
     After that, I came down stairs and got started on my day. Nothing too exciting, I went to the bank, I watched my soap operas, which are boring right now anyway. I also cleaned my room, which really needed it. I don't know why but my bedroom is always the one room that suffers the most. It never fails. Actually, I have noticed that most bedrooms suffer more than any other room in the house. I guess it is because you can close the door. You know? People don't have to see your room. So you just close the door and tell them it's dirty. Sorry, you can't come in here...that's all you need to say. So I cleaned that up, and it looks much better. I have noticed though that I tend to leave things at either the top of the stairs for me to take down later, or at the bottom of the stairs for me to take up later. I am just to lazy to do it right then. I really hate having stairs. If we are living here, in this house, till I am very old, then I am sure that I will really hate the stairs. Although I doubt that we will be here that long, I mean why would we keep this big of a house if we didn't need to? Unless it was paid off, then I might. lol
     American Idol was so good tonight. Those idiot twins who were annoying the snot out of me were kicked out of the show because they got arrested a while back. HAHAHAHAHA, I was so happy. I really didn't like them. Soon...I will be watching a few more shows. The Apprentice will be on Mondays and the Amazing Race also starts soon. Anyway, I am gonna go now. Nothing else to say. Except that tomorrow is my birthday....YEA ME!!! I am excited. Hopefully everyone will be very nice to me and do everything for me. lol j/k ok, talk to you all soon. Bye.

P.S. I am so mad. Just now I was asking James to put these pictures that you see to the right on this page, and so I was resizing them. But instead of resizing the copies that I had made, I was resizing all of them in my folder. UUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!! I am so mad at myself. I was able to save the ones that you see here...but the rest are all too small now to enlarge to a 11x14 size. I am just so mad at myself. I really really hate it when I do stupid things like that. Now I can't even have the opportunity to have these smaller ones hanging on my wall. SO mad, so mad. Anyway...that's all. Bye.

     Hi there. I am watching the movie "Thumbsucker." It just started, so I will let you know later how I like it. Today was full of pain pain and more pain. To start with, I am still sick. I woke up not being able to talk very good. My throat is still really sore, I was coughing a lot too. For what ever reason, my tummy was also hurting a lot. I have been feeling sick all day with these symptoms. Then, I went and hurt my back later on. I was twisting around trying to grab something, and I could feel my back strain. I think that I pulled something and now it is very sore. I was unable to hold Evelyn even and walk around with her. I took some pain medicine, but I don't know how much it is helping. Guess I will find out in the morning.
     I ended up making the enchiladas around noon for dinner. It was a pain in the butt. Thankfully, the kids were all very good for me. But I tell you, making enchiladas is no easy thing. It takes a bunch of time, and I think that it is the one thing that I cook that takes a long time. James has always wanted me to learn how to make chicken and dumplings. Personally, I don't care about them at all. James loves them, I guess his mom made them a lot. He says that it is easy to learn how to make it, so I say, learn how to do it yourself then. Why do I need to learn how to do it? Why does it always have to be the woman's job to learn all this stuff? I guess that is just how guys are though. I mean when you think about it, men are always wanting the woman to do this for them, or do that. You gotta love em for it though, I mean what would we do, if we didn't have someone to take care of. Girls, I think, naturally want someone they can help and take care of. We all want someone who needs us. Well, I shouldn't say all of us, I am sure there are a large amount of women who don't. But I think that a lot do. I know that for me, I personally like that James needs me. He needs me to be the one who remembers to pay the bills, he needs me to be the one who remembers to call people for their birthdays. The list could go on and on, but I won't so that. The point is that I love that he needs me, and I also love that I need him. We make a great match, and part of that, is because we need each other.
     Anyway, Jeff got here around 6:30pm and we had dinner. He will be leaving pretty soon actually, to go pick up Jen from the airport. They are going to go with us on Saturday for my birthday stuff. I am hoping we will be able to stay out really late, maybe go bowling after the movie. I like bowling...but I never good the whole time. I have a good first game, but the rest of them are all bad. I don't know why that is, but it always happens with out fail.
     So, anyway, nothing else too exciting. I feel slightly jumbled, but I think that is due to my cold. I need to get my rest, go to bed. Honestly, I feel like everything I wrote tonight was just me going through the motions. Who knows. I am tired though....so goodnight all. I will talk to you all later. Bye.

Today was pretty good. Nothing special. I cancelled Isaiah's appt though, since I realized that the insurance wasn't in affect until the 15th. I don't want to take him in for that test and end up paying way too much. So instead I stayed here to take care of my sick little girl. Isaiah wasn't much trouble, he played video games all day. Which I don't mind him doing so much now since he has been going to school and has been playing with other kids too. Plus, it's cold outside. It was 28 degrees today I think. No snow though. So anyway, I mainly just took care of Evelyn...she is looking better, but she was screaming quite a bit last night for no apparent reason, and then today too. You would think that holding her would have helped some, but that was not the case. Finally, around 2am she went to sleep.
Other than that though, and going to the grocery store, I really didn't do much. Today was very uneventful. Tomorrow though I should have something to write about since Jeff is coming over for dinner, and I am making enchiladas. Should be a fun evening. Of course if they start bugging me while my shows are on I will have to leave the room and go hide out in my bedroom to watch American Idol. lol I can't help it. I love that show. Anyway, so that's all for now. Talk to you all later. Bye.

     I don't even know how to start, so I will begin, with the beginning. After we all got ready, we headed out the door for church. I was excited at the prospect that this might be "the one" for us. As we walked in I was starting to think so.   The church building its self was wonderful, (the church name by the way was Southside Baptist Tabernacle) they didn't just have a child care area, they had rooms for infants, a room for toddlers, and a room for 3-4 year olds, and so forth and so on. It was great. I was talking with the lady and man who ran the room Isaiah would be in and though that they were very friendly. James was even chatting it up with the guy. His name was Steven. We headed into the sanctuary after that. Really nice looking and big. It was pretty packed there. Once things got started one of the first things I noticed was there was no band. And everyone there seemed pretty dressed up. (Which means we were probably sticking out some, especially James with his hat on) The choir came up, and there were a lot of people in that. Then some guy who only sang ok started leading the music. We sang out of the hymn, which didn't bother me any because that is how it used to be at FBC Galt when I was young. James didn't like it though. Then the choir sang a song, they were the back up for this guy who was singing the song. Wow was he amazing, and the song was so powerful. If I could tell you what it was called I would. The point is, with his great voice, and the wonderful lyrics, me, and a lot of other people, started crying. Talk about passionate. Then...we sang some more hymns and then the youth choir came up. It was a different man directing them. When the first started their song they were doing a bad job of it, and the guy made them stop, gave them a little talking too about, and they started again...they were much better that time. I was really enjoying things at this point, and could even picture Isaiah up there singing on day. Then...the preacher came up. Nice enough looking man, probably Pastor Robs age. A little bit weird looking, but I wasn't gonna hold it against him. lol It started out good, he was preaching in a style that I liked, and James and I were both thinking that this was going to be it. Then it happened. It was like he went all nuts or something. He started jerking around the stage, running around, jumping, yelling for way to long and way too loud. I don't know if he thought he was being interesting, or trying to just get his point across, or what, but the reality was that this "show"??? was not amusing. It was annoying. Then he would calm down, go back to normal, and then freak out again. I am telling you it was like he had a split personality. It was obvious that this was not our cup of tea. After that was over, they did have one really nice thing and that was that if any legally married couples wanted to renew their vows, they were to stand up, the husband go to the front and get a rose for his wife, they all stood in the aisles, and the pastor actually did a semi quick ceremony that everyone repeated after him in unison what he said. Then one of the wives sang a beautiful song while standing their with her very good looking husband, and then they were all told to please kiss the bride. It was all very sweet and I thought it was a nice touch to the holiday that is coming. Valentines Day of course. After that, a family that wanted to join the church came to the front, and a young man, about my age or younger, also came up, he was also very cute. I was glad for them that their church seems to be growing a lot. And there was a wide variety of ages there. But I would say mainly young. Or at least a lot below 45. Anyway. So that church, sadly, won't work out. But we are going to try one that my mom and dad found today for next week...it is called Antioch Baptist Church. It starts at 11am (must be the designated time huh?) and so we will go to that and see what we think. I wanted to try this church next to the one we went to today, it is called Pine View Apostolic Church. But my dad seems to think (based on the name) that it is what he calls a "holy roller" church. I guess one of those where they roll around on the floor and such. I don't know if that is the case, and I especially don't know if that is the case with this church. For now though I won't worry about it.
     After all of that was over I came home, and we had a quick lunch before my mom took me shopping for my birthday. I got some cool stuff that I have been needing for a very long time. Girly stuff though, so I won't subject you men to reading about it. Not that I think I have many guy readers. But hey, you never know. Anyway, so I went shopping, and then came home to find that not one, but both my kids were sleeping. Whew. That's always nice. It didn't last long of course, but I got to do a few things before James left and went to spend his gift card that he has had since Christmas at Sears. Not surprisingly, he came home with two new video games. As if he needs more. He claims that he got them mainly so Isaiah could play with him, but the funny thing is that at this very moment, Isaiah is sleeping, and James is playing one of the new games. lol Some things will never change. Never. lol
     My mom starts her new job tomorrow. It will be odd not having her here to help me during the day. I will adjust, as usual...But it will still be odd. Oh, and by the way, Dusty caught and killed a mouse!! Yep, she was determined too. She sat at that mouse hole forever until it was dumb enough to come poke it head out and get killed. I thought it was pretty cool though. Anyway, so I will go for now. I have to clean up and then hopefully spend some time with my handsome man. I love him. I know I say that a lot, but I really do. We are going to be married for 8 years this June. Wow. It is crazy how time flies. Anyway, talk to you all later. Bye.

     Ok, so I am sitting down to write this while watching the movie Red Eye, it is just now starting, so we will see how long it takes me to write this thing out. lol Lorenda just called, and I haven't talked to her all day. She was supposed to call me back "later" but that was about 19 hours ago. lol I am writing all of this for her benefit of course, since I know that she will be reading it. But the point is, she called just now, while we are just starting the movie, and I told her that now I could not talk. She asked what movie I was watching, I told her, and then she said that she wanted to watch that movie too. I said, "Well, it's too bad your not here to watch it then." lol...she called me a name that I can not type on this journal...and then said "Fine, Bye." lol...she hung up, but I know that she was messing around. I will talk to her later. After all, it's not my fault that she didn't call till now. lol Ok, I'm done.
     Today was a good day. As good days go. James left around 12:30pm to go to Jeff's house and play a PC game all day long. As of right now, he is still not home. I have talked to him a couple times, he is having fun and says that time is flying by. They had pizza for lunch and I guess they are having the rest for dinner too. I was going to make a dinner tonight, but I ended up changing my plans due to him being gone. I don't understand how he can be on the computer for so long playing the same game. I mean besides the fact that his eyes have got to be hurting, wouldn't it just get boring after a while?   I would get bored. How many times can you kill the enemy?
     Anyway, so I basically I spent my day cleaning the house. Mainly the upstairs. I am still having a hard time getting used to cleaning such a big house. I am great at cleaning the downstairs, since I am always downstairs. But the upstairs...well that is a whole different story. I just don't think to clean it that often, and it is always something that I want to do, but I just don't get up there often enough and when I do it is usually not at a time when I can clean. I mean honestly, it is a pain in the behind to take cleaning products up there, come back down, get the vacuum, go back down, get the mop and broom, and then go back down stairs for the baby and her toys because I also have to watch her usually. I mean it can really be a pain. So, today I got a lot of my upstairs cleaning done while James was home still, and I also finished the painting in our master bathroom. Now, once it is all very dry, I can actually sweep and mop the floor, which desperately needs it. I mean I never noticed before how dirty the floor was until I was on the ground painting the molding. I was ashamed of myself. lol
     Anyway, so my birthday is steadily arriving. From what I understand, James and I are going out a couple days later on Saturday. I requested to see a movie, have dinner, and then spend some time together at home. Too bad I can't just get rid of the kids for the night, but oh well, such is my fate. Well, James is still not here, and I think that I am gonna go.   I will let you know how church goes tomorrow since we will be attending a different one. Bye.

Hi. What a day. I mean it was busy, crazy, fun, painful, and exhausting. To start, I woke up this morning feeling tired already. I don't know why really, after all I had gone to bed at midnight, slept till 6am, fed Evelyn, and then went back to sleep until she woke up again at 9am. I really shouldn't have been tired. But nonetheless, I was, although once I showered and got dressed I was feeling much more awake. While down stairs getting ready to eat some late breakfast, the phone rang. It was Lauren Cole from that church we have been attending. Remember how I had gone to her house that day for that thing for the church?? Anyway, so she called and she was wondering if I would like to get together. I was happy to. I left Evelyn here with James, since she is so sick, and Isaiah and I went to her house. We stayed for 3 hours and had a good time. We talked while the kids played video games and played with toys. It was nice to get out and be with a friend. It made living here feel normal. Like a normal day. I could only stay for the 3 hours though because I had to be home in time to take Evelyn to her doctors appt. I had made that in the morning and it was for 3:15pm. I was nervous about driving there myself, but after getting slightly lost, I was able to make it in to the office. It was nice and the doctor was too. Evelyn now weighs in at 22 pounds and 2 ounces. She is a growing girl. The doctor said that she probably has a viral infection, so she gave me an antibiotic for that, and then she had me get some over the counter medicine for her congestion and runny nose. Evelyn just looks so miserable. I feel really bad for her. But, hopefully this to will pass. lol So, during all this stuff that was happening so far, my upper back was starting to hurt pretty bad. I have no idea what I did, but by the time I was leaving to go pick up Evelyn's prescription, it was getting worse. I couldn't turn the the left without pain, couldn't lift my right arm either. It was hard to get in and out of the car, and especially hard to use the drive through pharmacy. I took an Ibuprofen, but so far it hasn't been helping, and now the pain is also in my lower back. I asked James to clean up the house for me, since it is hard enough to do easy tasks. So...I am now just sitting up here with pillows behind my back trying to be comfortable while I type this out and also chat with Lorenda online. James is up here now, I have no idea if he cleaned up or not...I didn't ask. But...I can be certain of one thing. He did not do it right! It isn't me trying to be mean or anything...it's just a fact. I like things to be done a certain way, and the fact of the matter is that he does things his way, which is what I consider to be the wrong way. He does some of it ok, but then there are things that he just forgets all together, or just doesn't do well enough. It's not his fault, he is a man, and it is just how men are. I mean don't get me wrong though, it could just be me. I like things to be a certain way, and sometimes it is an extreme. I like the sink to be dried out completely when your done, wiped out with a towel so there is no visible water shown, and then the faucet should be centered. I know, I must have OCD. I also don't like it when things on my tables, like magazine and coasters, are not all situated evenly. It just bugs me. I have problems. Anyway, that is my day in a nut shell. "No, this is me in a nut shell, how do I get out of this crazy nut shell"!? Ok, unless you watched the first Austin Powers movie you won't get that. lol Nite.

2.9.06
9:52pm

     Hi there. My mom got that job! So now besides me, we are a household of working people. My mom starts her job on Monday. We are all very excited for her.
Today I unintentionally hurt someone's feelings. It was in no way on purpose. Not at all. And I told this person that. But still I felt immense guilt when the individual cried. It broke my heart. I just don't like it when people are hurt because of me. You know what I mean?
     Evelyn is still so very sick. She has very bad watery eyes, which causes her eyes to get a bunch of green gunk in the corners of her eyes, which is just one more thing that she doesn't want me to wipe. Her nose is so dry from wiping it, that she screams bloody murder when I touch it. And then, today she started grabbing at her ear, so now there is a chance that she might need an antibiotic. So...I have been looking through the phone book to find her a doctor near by. I am going to call tomorrow. Thank goodness we have health insurance now. I will probably try to get Isaiah an appointment too, to make sure that his hearing is ok. After all, even though he is saying a lot more than he used to...he still is what I would consider way behind in the verbal skills area. I mean there are two year olds in his Jr. Preschool that I can have a full conversation with. We'll see what happens.
     So, I watched Survivor today and there is this guy on the show who was complaining about how miserable he is due to the fact that he is going through cigarette withdrawals, (he smoked 3 packs a day) he misses his kid a lot, and oh no, he is dehydrated...and hungry. OH NO...poor poor guy, who would have thought that if he went away, to a far away location, where you are playing a game called "Survivor", that he would actually be missing his family, most likely be very hungry and thirsty, and would be craving things that he was addicted to. I can't imagine why this idiot even applied to be on this show. I mean he even said on tonight's episode that he really doesn't need the money, because he makes really good money already. I can not stand people like this. Whine whine whine. Don't apply to be on a show unless you plan on really trying your best. Everyone knows that when you go on Survivor your gonna be hungry and your gonna miss your family. I mean duh!! It's this kind of stupidity that just bugs the heck out of me. People are so annoying.
     So now I am watching ER. Which I feel so very lost on because I haven't even watched the last 4 or 5 episodes. Every since we moved I haven't been able to watch it. But today's episode was good. And you know what the worst part of the whole episode was, nothing.....because for once not a single child was killed, or seriously injured. It is the shock of a lifetime. lol
     I was looking at the new on cbsnews.com and I came across this article that said, and I quote:

(WebMD) Unsettled fights between parents impair children's emotional development, new studies show.

Mom and Dad may shout till they're red in the face. They may stew in stony silence. Whether their unresolved conflict results in hostility or indifference to one another, it takes its toll on their children, find University of Notre Dame psychologist E. Mark Cummings, Ph.D, and colleagues.

Psychologists have long known that a strong child-parent bond is the key to kids' mental health and social adjustment. The new research suggests that it's just as important for children to feel secure about their parents' relationship with each other.

Ok, once again I would like to say DUH!! Why do these so called studies keep telling us things that we already know. I mean am I supposed to think that just now the world is finding out that children are affected by how their parents interact with each other? Am I supposed to really believe, that "they" have only just figured out that kids can sense the tension between their parents when there is an unresolved issue? Wow, "they", whoever they are, must really think that we are all stupid.
Anyway, that's all the annoying junk that I can handle today. I will talk to you all tomorrow. And if I am lucky, I will have a annoyance free day. lol Bye

     Hi. This morning after my mom's interview I called the restaurant that hired me and told them that I would not be taking the job. My mom is very sure that she will get the job, and it is full time. And my dad has been working nine hour shifts or more, so there is no need for us to worry about them not having the money to pay for the bills. I told the lady who hired me (Mandy) that I didn't want to waste their time if I wasn't going to be keeping the job in the near future. She was nice enough about it, but I could tell that she was slightly annoyed. Oh well. I hate that. In the past I wouldn't have cared whether or not I quit that very day or not...but I am more mature than that now, thankfully, so I end up feeling more guilty about it. I don't like making a commitment to someone and then ending that. But, still, it felt good to know that I didn't need to buy new clothes just for a job, and I don't have to take all my ear rings out when I go, and I didn't have to worry about learning something new, that I might have a hard time with. Sounds good to me.
     After that the day didn't get much better for poor little Evelyn. She has such a bad runny nose and her eyes keep watering. It is just horrible. She is so sad looking and her eyes were tired all day long. She slept a good portion of the day away. And now she is once again asleep and she had no problem with it either.
     Dusty has been doing better today. A little bit ago my mom let her out and she went outside pretty good. Before that though I was still having to drag her outside today. It was making me feel bad. I literally had to pick her up today and shove her outside. I was trying to give her treats, make her come to me at different places in the yard. She wanted nothing to do with it. I use the tie up system we have out there from before we got the invisible fence and left her out there so she would realize that it is safe to be outside. After a while I let her back in, and when my mom let her out a little bit ago I guess she went right outside and was ok. We will see what happens when I take her out again tonight.
     James' work laptop broke. He hasn't been able to do anything since yesterday. I feel bad for feeling so good about it. lol I like it when he gets to spend time with us. DELL sent out a tech guy today to fix the laptop, but evidently he didn't have all the right stuff with him, so he will hopefully be coming back tomorrow or the next day to fix it. At one point James was pretty freaked out because he thought that he had lost a bunch of important work, thank goodness he didn't. He was able to download a program that retrieves deleted files. Don't ask me how it does it because I have no idea. All I know is that it took a very long time. But it is nice to know that kind of program is out there, waiting to retrieve our accidentally deleted items.
     I am recording the Grammy's. I didn't want to miss watching American Idol, or LOST, but I also wanted to watch the Grammy's. So I am recording it and will watch it later. I really wanted to see the opening performance. It was Madonna singing with The Gorillaz. I realize that most if not all of you will will not know who they are. But that's ok. The point is it should be a good show. Of course, I always get mad when the people who I want to win don't. It is frustrating when the really good artists lose to the only ok ones.
     Anyway, that is all from Michigan. I gotta go. Talk to you all later. Bye.

     Hi, well it's a good day. Dusty was still afraid to go outside, but at least once I pulled her out there, she seemed semi ok. I woke up this morning at 6am to take Isaiah to school. I woke him up at 6:30am. He was not too happy about that. I had to fight with him to get his shirt on. Of course, once we got down stairs and started discussing which cereal to eat, he got over it and was excited to go to school. When we got there though he didn't want to go in, he said that he was done with school. I took him inside though and asked him to show me the toys he plays with. He found a toy vacuum though and once he started showing me that I stayed for a while...and then I told him that I was gonna go, he said ok. So, I left, and even though I really wanted to go home and sleep, I didn't. And I really wanted to, but I decided to go to the store instead. We really needed groceries. So I went to the store, spent about an hour in time there, and almost $300.00 in cash there. It is insane how much food costs. I mean don't get me wrong, the cereal is cheaper here. But still, it just seems like food is too much...I mean the price of meat alone can be outrageous. Anyway, why am I complaining about grocery prices? That is dumb, can't change it, so why do I care? Ok, I'm done with that.
     Later on, after I finished putting the groceries away I realized what a bad day Evelyn was already having. Evidently she had been crying for a long time. She is sick and I don't know if you know or not, but when a baby has a runny nose life is miserable.
They need to have their nose wiped, but they don't want it wiped at all. Not at all. So I have been dealing with that for most of the day. I tried giving her medicine, but it doesn't seem to be doing her any good. I am hoping that tomorrow will turn out much better than today did with her. The poor thing though, I felt so bad, I hate when you actually see a little baby not only crying but crying with real tears coming down their cheeks. I just hate when babies are hurting.
     I have been on the phone with Tiffany for a very long time now. I love talking to her. We have been talking about lots of different things. Personal stuff, stuff that makes you cry, things that make you laugh. I love her so much. It is so nice to have someone who knows you practically better than you know your self. I am so thankful and so blessed to have the friends that I do. Tiffany and Lorenda are the most important people in my life in regards to friends. They both know me incredibly well, and each of them has something special about them that I just love. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have them in my life. Everyone needs to have someone that they can count on no matter what. And although my very best friend in the whole world, the person who I trust most, is James, Lorenda and Tiffany are right behind him. They make me feel good everyday.
     I am going to hate it when Isaiah and Evelyn grow up and go through the pain of losing friends. I don't want to say possibly losing them, because the fact of the matter is they most likely will. It is going to be so sad.   I don't want to see my kids in any kind of pain...emotional, physical. But it is going to happen, and I just don't know how I will deal with it. I sometimes wonder how my mom and dad did it all. Anyway, I better go, now I am on the phone with Lorenda and it is already almost 1am. I need to go to bed. I had a very short nap today, and it was good, but not enough. So, tomorrow my mom has her interview, and it was decided that if she gets a permanent job I will quit the one I got. If she gets one tomorrow, I will quit before I even start. So they don't have to waste time on me. So, I will let you know what happens tomorrow then. Bye.

     Hi, what a day. I mean really. Stuff happened. First of all. I got that job. I don't want the job. I don't want to work. But, I took the job. Thankfully, my mom has a second interview with that bank   That place, Citizens Bank, is very slow though about getting things together. I start the job this Friday. I am going to be working mainly from 4pm-9pm. That schedule will only be working though if my mom is not working. I told the lady that, and she said that if I want different hours, I would have to train to be a waitress. I would feel bad quitting that job so soon if I had to, but if my mom gets that job, she would be off work at 4:30pm, and so James could just watch them for a little while. I don't know, I suppose that the money will be helpful. Especially with paying for Isaiah's school. I just hate working so much. The fact of the matter is that I don't have to keep that job. If it is not working out, if I hate it there, if my mom can't watch the kids and James is annoyed that he has to change his work schedule, I will quit. I mean I am not going to continue at a job that is more trouble than it is worth. Honestly, I am just worried right now about being able to be a hostess, and also am worried about the fact that I am going to have to wear a outfit that I know will not be flattering on me. It will be a pair of black slacks, with a tucked in white Oxford buttoned up shirt. I know that it will not be flattering. Ugh, I don't know what I am going to do. If my mom gets this job this week...should I quit before I even start? I don't want to work, but I know that the money would be helpful, especially when it comes to the school, extra money, trips to CA. And helping my mom and dad. I just hate working so much. Gosh I really just don't know what to do. I don't like disappointing people. I hate to make a commitment to a job, and then quit, but I don't hate it enough to not do it if I have to.
     This movie I am watching right now...Lord of War. It is based a lot in Monrovia Liberia. It's about trafficking guns. And of course, Liberia had a very long bloody war. So most of this movie he (Nicholas Cage) is in Liberia. But let me tell you the truth right now, this movie is emotionally disturbing. Very much so. People dying so much, it is very stressing on me right now. I feel heart broken, even though I know that this is not a true story. I hate watching movies with children being killed. Even though it is fake. I would say that if you were able to handle watching Hotel Rwanda, you can probably handle this fictional story. (Wow, the end of the movie just came, and it said that "This movie is based on actual events. )
     Also, today the invisible fence was installed. I should have taken heed in regards to what the install guy said, which was to keep the dogs on a leash for two weeks, walking them around the perimeter, letting them feel the shock only twice a day so they know. Well I didn't, and I let Dusty run out thinking that she would remember what happens, she didn't, and wow...it was horrible, she ran past the perimeter, and was immediately "shocked" (it isn't really electricity though) and froze in place twitching and crying. I was frozen in horror. Coco, was scared for her, and went to her, and then getting shocked herself. She stayed for a while crying, and then came back in the safe zone. My mom finally got the collar off Dusty, and wow was Dusty freaked out. I think it is safe to say that she is traumatized. She didn't want to go outside at all. Not at all. I had to drag her. She was shaking from fear for well over an hour. I felt so bad. Especially since I didn't get to her sooner. I was so scared myself from what was happening. I really feel bad. Like really. Poor dog.
     Anyway, it was a big day to say the least. Tomorrow I have to wake up at 6am to get Isaiah ready for school. And I have to pay them for this week. Thank goodness that James should be getting paid tomorrow. I need to go shopping for groceries. Maybe I will do that on the way home. Although I do plan on coming back home and sleeping as well.   Ugh, I hope that I made the right decision in accepting this job. I really will feel bad if I have to quit. I don't like being a flake. I don't want to be that person. But I also can't have a job that interferes with the way things are here. I can't ask my mom to work her schedule around a job that I don't have to have. Pray about this for me, and if you have any advice, feel free to email me. Talk to you all later. Bye.

     Why oh why are the days not going by quicker. I need for pay day to get here.
Nothing much happened today though. I did wake up in the morning to find that 2 inchs of snow had covered the ground. My mom and I went outside and cleared the drive way...it didn't take long at all. Isaiah loved playing in it too. One semi exciting thing did happen today though. I got a phone call from the Bakery Square, they want me to come in for a interview tomorrow at 11am.   I am only semi excited because of the fact that I don't like working. And...from what I saw when I went in there, it looked like they all have their shirts tucked in, I don't think that with my shape, that I would look good with my shirt tucked in. That is the real reason that I am nervous. But, I will go tomorrow, and see what happens. As long as I can work in the evenings, I will be fine, and they should be open late, since they don't open till 11am.
     We didn't go to church this morning. We were all feeling too sick, and it just didn't seem like a good idea. In the end it was a good thing, because I don't think we would have made it on time....I didn't realize how long it takes to get your car ready after a snow like we had last night. A lot of it was just ice.
     You know, I can't write this out right now. I can't write about it, but there is some stuff going on right now with James and I that I need to go talk about. Not really a problem, just a disagreement. We are not able to agree on something that I want to do. So, I will go. I will tell you tomorrow how the interview went. Bye for now.

     It is snowing!!! Big big snow flakes. I always thought that snow flakes were very small, but these are big. Some of them are over an inch in diameter. It is amazing to me how beautiful it all looks. If you look up into the sky you can just see all of them falling from the sky, millions of them. Simply beautiful. I took some pictures of it all today, but I haven't put them on the computer yet to see how they look. I would love to get a picture of it snowing at night, with the moon out sticking out from behind some clouds. That would be so cool. Once I have lived here for a few years, and know my way around, I will be able to drive to beautiful places at night and take pretty pictures. I am really into photography. I love black and white pictures especially.
     My dad is a at work once again. He left at 12:30pm and is still not home. They are trying to get everything done tonight, so that way they won't have to be working tomorrow since it is Super Bowl Sunday. The Super Bowl is in Detroit this year, and they don't want to be in the city around all the traffic. I can't blame them. The news said that they expect over 100,000 visitors to be in Detroit for the big game. I am glad that I live in Ypsilanti. My mom and I have started crocheting. I had some blankets that I had started, but am no longer able to finish because now they no longer carry those colors. It is sad, but I think I am over it. lol We are going to buy some different colors instead though and make the baby a blanket, and Isaiah a blanket for his bed. I would like to learn how to knit, but I would most likely stab myself or someone else.
     Oh, you know what I forgot to tell you? I was watching MTV2 the other day and guess what was on? Beavis and Butthead. I loved that show then and I still love that show now. I was laughing out loud watching it. The things that they do are just so funny. I used to have the movie they made on VHS, but I don't remember what happened to it.
     We are so broke right now. James gets paid in like 3 days, and I will be so happy. I had cereal for dinner tonight. lol But at least it was Fruit Loops, that's my favorite. I didn't get a chance to talk to Lorenda all day today. It was one thing after another over here. But really, she should have called me!! Just kidding, I know she is reading this. I did talk to her briefly a little while a go but she had to go. She is going to go out and play pool. Yep, she is ditching me as a friend all together and finding my replacement. lol (J/K I love you Lorenda.)
     James was working all day today on a side job. I love side jobs because they are so great for getting extra money. It will be especially nice right now since only my dad is working and he won't get paid for 2 weeks. We are still paying for all the bills until he does. Hence us being broke right now. I think we have ten dollars in our checking account. Pitiful. It is going to be lots of cereal and sandwich's for the next couple of days. It will be so nice this month to have my mom and dad help out with the bills.
     So, today we went to Target to return that stupid lunch box that James bought for Isaiah, and while we were there, I also got some other little things with the cash from that return. James went into the electronics area while we were there to see if they had any X-Box 360's, but of course they did not. I am telling you it is going to be impossible to buy one.   I am betting we won't get it until Christmas. If you don't know how much video games dominate the world, then you must be living under a rock. The reality is that 50% of American's play them. And that rate is just growing. And due to the great technological advances, you are no longer playing alone...you can interact and play these games with people all over the world. If you would like more information on video games, how they affect kids, who's playing them, if women are playing them, (and they are) and much much more, check out these websites.

http://www.theesa.com/facts/gamer_data.php
http://www.pbs.org/kcts/videogamerevolution/impact/myths.html

     Anyway, I think that is enough for me. I know that James won't be going to church tomorrow. He is really feeling gross. He has a bad cold. I have it too, but not so bad that I look like him. lol I will be going and taking one of the kids. My mom will most likely go with me too. I don't know if my dad will or not. He is still not home, and it is 9:43pm. Just have to wait and see. So...I will talk to you all later. Bye.

     Hi Everyone. My dad had his first day of work today. As far as I know, everything went really well. He has to be there again tomorrow at 1pm. I am so glad that he has a job. My mom has still not heard anything from any of the jobs that she has applied for. I'm going to keep praying about that. Today though I let James sleep in some. I went to bed sometime after midnight, almost 1am I think, and he was still playing our new PC game that I think I told you about. Well, around 6:30am I thought I heard something and woke up. I looked over and discovered that James was still playing that game. I am telling you people, I am always amazed by his ability to play a game for that long. Crazy. And right now, he is still playing it. That nut. In a little bit I am gonna ask him to come upstairs with me, he needs to go to sleep.
     I am definitely catching Isaiah's cold. My throat hurts pretty bad, and I am coughing some too. I don't like the sore throat aspect of being sick. I can handle the cough, and the nasty stuff that gets in your throat, but the soreness, that's what feels awful.
     Nothing much happened today though. I did however start painting Evelyn's room. Nothing spectacular mind you. Just a flower, some butterflies, and I decided to use the wall clock as a sun, and painted sun rays all around it. So far everything looks really cute. But I am not sure what else I could possibly do. It's hard since I am not that creative when it comes to thinking up things to draw right out of my head. Once I have done more with her room though, I will take a picture and let you all see it. Anyway, so I guess I am going to go now. After all, I really did have a very boring day. But I do plan on going out tomorrow, so I should have plenty to write about then, I am very confident that some one out there will annoy me. It's practically a sure thing. lol Talk to you later. Bye.

     Well, another day has come and almost gone. I am watching one of the best shows around, Survivor. I am in shock right now that it is almost over, it just flew by. But that's what happens when you are watching something you like. But...about my day. Everything is going good. James woke up to take Isaiah to school, and he was coughing a lot. James decided to go a head and get him ready, and see how he was when it was time to go. I guess he was doing better, because James took him. Evelyn slept good all night long, and then woke up at 7:30am...a little bit before James did. At first he wasn't going to go back to sleep, but I told him he should, because I know I certainly plan on doing it every single time that I have to take him to school. So, he did, and I know that he just wanted to sleep until 10am, but I went a head and gave him till almost 11am instead. I mean why not, enjoy it while you can I say. You know what will be even better? When both of the kids are in full time school. Because if James is still working his current job, and starting at noon like he is now, after we drop the kids off, heck, we can both go back to sleep once they are at school. Makes me happy. You have no idea how much I enjoy being in my bed sleeping the day away. James says that I am literally, wasting time...but I think that it is time well spent.
     So, after all the school stuff, I was on the phone with Tiffany, chatting away about the usual stuff. Then I heard a beep in my ear because there was another phone call trying to come through. Well, it was for my dad. HE GOT A JOB!!! You know how I told you about that job that he didn't get? Well, he did get it, in a way. The people who own that company also clean and maintain other businesses, and their son is in charge of those. Because of certain reasons, he can hire my dad. He starts tomorrow!! We are so excited. It is only part time for now, but it pays eleven dollars and hour, and that is good. I am telling you, prayer works. So that's one down, one to go. Now we just have to hope that my mom gets a job soon. She and my dad both went out this morning and turned in applications. This was before he got that call of course. I think that she will get one soon. I just don't know what type. She is applying all over the place.
     So, after that stuff, I called a company who does "invisible fences". If you want to see what I am talking about, check out this website from the company we are going with. http://www.k9hpf.com/ It was a whole lot cheaper than the other fence. Originally, we really wanted a fence not just for the dogs, but to keep the kids in the yard, but since the other people here who have kids seem to manage just fine, I figure we can too, and so we will go this route instead. I just hope we don't get in trouble from the association. I asked someone if those types of fences are allowed, and the guy said yes, that someone else down the street has one...but I am still slightly worried. Quite a few kids walk through our back yard and others to get to their homes after school lets out. I would hate for the kids to get scared of the dogs, they would bark a lot, and kids can freak out. I will have to make sure that I am outside the first few times that it happens. I am just worried you know, we will be the only ones that I can see who will have dogs outside running around in their yard. I hope that it is ok. There is nothing in the rules of the association about an invisible fence. All it says is that domestic animals are not to be running "loose". To me, that means not confined to my property. Which they will be. So I suppose I shouldn't worry, but you know me, I will anyway. I don't have much time to find out though, they are installing it on Monday.
     Well, after all of that, and then making dinner, my day was pretty much done. I need to go clean up the kitchen once CSI is over. So, I guess that is it for now folks. Talk to you all soon. Bye.

     Hello to everyone. Today was interesting. Starting off, I woke up feeling good. I talked to Lorenda last night and I also received an email from Iona, they both told me that the feelings that I was having about Evelyn were completely normal. That was a relief, you know when it's your first kid, you expect that everything you are feeling is normal, since it is all new, but when your a second time mom, you just think you know it all, and then when something throws you for a loop, well...you freak out some. So that made me feel a lot better. I should have mentioned it to Tiffany this morning when I was talking to her too, but I forgot. Although she had a bad headache, so it was most likely for the best that I didn't try to make her talk too much.
     Anyway, my dad got a call today about a job that we were all sure that he would get. Turns out that, due to certain circumstances, he could not get the job. We were all a little down about it. I know that God has a plan for my mom and dad here, I just wish that he could hurry up and show it to us. So, due to the fact that I am slightly worried that they will not be able to find work soon...and since we can not possibly continue to pay all the bills with our current income, I decided to go ahead and apply for some jobs myself. I applied at Borders, Krogers again, a video store, and then a restaurant called Bakers Square. I am nervous though, even though I want a job so I can help, I also hate having a job. I don't like it when I "have" to go somewhere at a certain time. It just bugs me. But, if I can get a call from Borders, which I have worked at before and loved it, I will be very happy, because that is an amazing job. So, we will see what happens...If I do end up working, I hope it is a night shift, so I can still be with the kids and take care of the house.
     So, while I was out doing all that applying I went in to Subway to get a sandwich...and that same cutie guy was working. So, I gave a nice smile and chatted with him a little bit, how could I not? lol
     I am just finishing up with American Idol. They let this really conceited guy go through and I can tell you right now that there is no way he will make it to the top ten. Some people you can just tell will cause trouble. He will be way to obsessed with hitting on girls to worry about memorizing a song to sing. And, just for the record, he really wasn't that cute. I give him a 7 out of 10.
     James is playing this PC game that he downloaded for me, but since I am doing this, he is playing instead. It is called Black and White. You are a God, and you get to control your people and defend them and if you want, kill them. I realize it sounds silly, but really it is quite fun. One of my favorites. I usually liked grabbing some random person and tossing them into the ocean. Sounds bad, but I had an over population going on at the time, so it was really a good thing. Trust me. lol
     Anyway, I am done I guess. Not much else happening...I will just talk to you all later. Bye Bye...