04.30.05
11:51pm

People are getting way too lazy. Today James and I were at Target, and as we were walking towards the store from the parking lot a group of 4 people were also walking up. Two ladies, and two teenagers. I couldn't believe my eyes. They were all wearing PJ's, one only had socks on, another was bare foot, and the other two were wearing really stupid looking slippers. I simply don't understand why people would think that is ok. How lazy can you be? Is it that hard to get up and get dressed? I mean at least slip some jeans on. And maybe a pair of cheap sandals.

Something, anything, would have helped.

While we were out today we also went to Lowe's and bought the paint for Evelyn's bedroom. It cost more than I thought it would. But I am still excited. Now if we can just find time to paint the room. I don't know what I am saying we though, as I don't think I am supposed to be around paint fumes, and so I probably won't be helping. James mentioned painting tomorrow evening, since he got the cable for the internet in our bedroom finally. We had his brother Gus and his family over for dinner, and so Gus helped James drill through the walls and take the wiring all around the house from the outside to our bedroom. I was so embarrassed, because had I known that Gus would be helping James do all that, I would have had my bed made, and did some spot cleaning. And even worse, was that they had to pull the bed out, and not only was there a bunch of junk that had fallen behind it, but tons of dog hair too. I felt so embarrassed. I really hate it when there is a mess that I either didn't get a chance to clean, or didn't know needed cleaning, and then someone else see's it. ugh. Makes me cringe.

We had a good dinner though and then we all watched the movie Spanglish starring Adam Sandler and Tea Leoni. It was excellent! I cried some at the end. I would highly recommend it.

I am seriously hoping that it does not rain on Isaiah's birthday. I am constantly amazed how one year the weather can be perfect, even hot enough for swimming, and now, the same time this year, it is constantly partly cloudy. What is that about? I am praying to God to please let it be a nice sunny day, or even partly cloudy. If it rains, then we will have to cancel the jumper, and then we will end up having this huge birthday party inside our house. I really don't want 15 kids, plus all the adults, in my house at once. Not to mention Isaiah's room would get trashed. Please God, please, don't let it rain.

Anyway, so it was a good day though, and tomorrow is church. So with that in mind I should go to sleep. Oh, and please, if you are reading this, say a quick prayer for the weather on May 7th.

04.29.05
9:31pm

Isaiah did really well today while getting his pictures taken. Once in awhile he would go off and start break dancing, and trying to show off, but other than that he was great and I think we got some awesome pictures. I will be seeing them in about a week and a half or so. I can't wait to look at them and pick out the best ones. I have a feeling that I am going to want them all. Other than that it was an exhausting day of sorts.

I cleaned my room, Isaiah's room, and the soon to be baby's room. I think that Isaiah found me pretty boring, but he'll live. I have also been feeling a lot of those Braxton hicks contractions lately, and a lot of pressure. I know it's normal, but it is still strange to be feeling sharp pains in the lower parts of my belly. I can't help but think that this little girl wants to come out early. And I also can't help but think that if she did, she would already be 8 pounds. She feels like it. But I could be wrong on that, since when I was pregnant with Isaiah I had gained so much weight, that I couldn't really feel him as well with all that fat I had, but this time, well, it feels like I can practically touch her. She pushes so hard against my belly. I told James that while I am in the hospital, which will probably be 3 days like last time, I would like him to please type this journal for me. That way everyone who reads this can still know what is happening. Either I can write it by hand myself, and then he will just type it up for me, or he can just write whatever he wants. As long as he writes about how having the baby went, I don't care what else he writes about. Of course, while I am gone he will have Isaiah all by himself, and have to get the house ready for when we come home, so he should have plenty of complaining to write about, at the very least. lol

It will be interesting to see what the house looks like when I come home. The last time I was gone 3 days, it was for the church women's retreat, and the first night I was there, I called to say hi, and James told me that he almost caught the stove on fire by turning on the wrong burner, which had a metal cover on it. Evidently the whole thing was red. Luckily Isaiah didn't get to that. Although he may have been too small then anyway. Funny though how quickly guys realize they need their wives. That is actually one reason that I didn't go to the women's retreat this last year. James practically begged me not to go. I really wanted to, but he didn't want me to be gone again. So we made a deal that I would go every other year. Well, I don't think that he realized that this year, when I go, he will not only have Isaiah by himself, but a 4 month old baby. So, we will just have to wait and see how he handles that.

You know what I was thinking about today? The fact that about 97% of my friends are not saved. Isn't that horrible? To know that such a large amount of your friends are not going to heaven? A few of them don't even believe in God. It really makes me sad. I hate the fact that these people I love, wonderful people, nice and all that, will spend eternity in hell. And they don't seem to mind. When it's brought up, they make jokes about it, like how it will probably take eternity to read off the list of all their sins. Why is it people are so willing to ignore what is right in front of them? People can't seem to look past this life and into the next. And then, I don't really think that they fully understand what hell is either. I think that people just imagine they will be living somewhere unpleasantly hot. I can't imagine what it would be like, to die, go to hell, and then realize that you were wrong. And then, to realize that you had your chance, and now you are forever separated from God. One friend of ours who is an agnostic, once asked James what he thought he would do when he got to heaven. James said he would probably weep. Just bow down and cry at the Lord's feet. I think that statement made no sense to our friend. I think that it was completely lost to that person. The concept of how important a relationship with God really is, is beyond them. But imagine the shocking discovery of it, and then realizing you will never have it, once you are dead and suffering in hell. It makes me feel very very thankful that I will probably be to excited to be in the Lord's presence, then to even notice who is and isn't in heaven with me. One thing that worries me the most is the fear of my children not being saved. I think that until the day comes when they are, I will always fear for them.

Well, this was going to be a short entry, but look what it turned into. And I still have to do dishes. ugh. Anyway, cya later.

04.28.05
10:09pm

So here I am watching ER yet again. I completely expect to be angry by the end of it. They are doing a good job so far.

I am excited however that tomorrow morning I will be taking Isaiah to get his pictures taken by my friend Misty Bell, who is a professional photographer. She owns her own studio in Galt. She is an excellent photographer.

Anyway, so today was good. I actually caught part of President Bush's conference on TV today and although I missed a lot of it, I must say that what I did hear, I agreed with. I am really glad that he was re-elected, I couldn't picture that other guy, Kerry, being in charge. He just looked so strange. And I know that is a dumb way to judge someone, but to me the guy looked dead, and I really don't want someone in charge of the country who I can't even look at without feeling like I am watching a zombie movie.

Wow, there is a new major airplane that has been revealed, it's a Boeing 777 and it has a huge huge engine. It can fly for 20 hours on one tank of gas. Wow. And, it can hold 800 passengers. Now, that is great if you love to fly. But, if your me that just means that now 800 people can die at once when the plane crashes to the ground. Now, I realize that sounds very pessimistic, but think about it, if that plane goes down, nearly 1000 people will die. I say nearly, just because we have to take into consideration the staff, and pilots.

Ever heard of a "slap attack"? Well, if you haven't you can now say you have. Evidently, the stupidity of some young people has just hit another low. Now, according to the news at least, they are using their camera phones to slap innocent bystanders in the face, and then they are uploading the video of it from the camera onto the internet for the world to see. Sometimes I just think that today's youth are really getting dumb. They have no sense of right and wrong, they think that the lamest stuff is funny, and they have no respect at all. And you know what, just like I said a couple entries before...It's all the parents fault. I'm serious. I really believe that. If your kid shows no respect, it's probably because you didn't show any towards them, or don't do anything to deserve it from them. You teach people how to treat you. If you allow someone to be rude to you, then they will continue to do so. Why not, after all, you are letting them, they aren't being punished. If someone can get away with something, odds are they will continue to do it. How hard of a concept is that to grasp? Kids learn by watching parents...if you don't show respect to your kids, they are not going to respect you. If you don't act in a way that demonstrates to your kids that you deserve respect, why would they give it? I just don't understand why this stuff isn't common sense. But you know what, why should I be surprised, it seems like 90% of the world lacks common sense these days. It makes me sick. But all of that is just my opinion.  Doesn't mean I am right, that's for sure. 

Actually, I am done...I am too annoyed from that topic. Tomorrow I will have happy stuff to write about it, hopefully. Bye.

04.27.05
6:42pm

I am writing this kind of early today as I have stuff to write about and I want it to be fresh in my head. I just finished my bible study with my dad and it was very good. I thought that I would share some of it. If you don't already know, I have some problems in understanding what the Holy Spirits role should be in my life, and understanding exactly what he is. Yes, I do know what he is, yes, I do know that when my conscience is speaking to me that it is him...but since I always just think of that stuff as being "God" only, I have a hard time accepting that it is really the Holy Spirit, and it ends up feeling wrong some how when I try. Ok, so there is your background. Now for today's lesson.

Here is one of the first things that we read.

The Holy Spirit Himself is God's gift to you. The same Holy Spirit who manifested (showed himself) Himself in the life of Jesus and in the early believers has been sent to work through you. If you open your life to Him, He will manifest His power in your life.

So basically, it isn't that we have these gift's, it is that the Holy Spirit is our gift from God the Father, and the Holy Spirit then blesses us with special abilities that we get to use as our "ministry", or as a way to benefit God's kingdom. Almost like how I have a gift (I think at least) of writing...and so I get to use that gift on this website to write about not only my daily life, but my walk with God, and hopefully that will benefit someone else who might be seeking God. It's like my ministry.

Another thing to remember is that even though all people have gifts, only Christians have spiritual gifts. And as I learned in sunday school class, we receive the Holy Spirit when we accept Christ as our savior. When we do that, the Spirit of God comes to live inside of us.

At the end of the lesson, there was a prayer that we could read and say to ourselves or with someone else. I read it and out loud said Amen! It was probably the best thing that I could have read, as it described exactly what I had been doing, and what I needed to be doing. I will share that prayer with you now.

Heavenly Father, I realize that I have neglected the person of the Holy Spirit in my life. I repent, asking You to forgive me for relegating Him to a position much less than He deserves. May I know and experience the gift of the Holy Spirit in all His fullness. I open my life for Him to teach me, lead me, and work through me. Amen.

Now, I do have one question to anyone out there who is willing to give it a shot. I was reading ahead, and this verse stood out to me, but I can't figure out what it is talking about. It is 1 Corinthians 4:20 For the kingdom if God is not in word, but in power.

What is that talking about????? Anyone know, email me please.

Anyway, besides all that nothing much happened today, we did not get our sprayed for bugs like I thought, we are going to do it a different day instead. And I bought Isaiah some cute outfits for when he has his pictures taken on Friday morning for his 3rd birthday. That's about it though. Bye.

04.26.05
9:21pm

Well, it turns out that those two toddlers who died in Georgia that I wrote about last night were not murdered, but simply drowned. I really don't know which is worse. I mean now the parents are just going to blame themselves for not watching the kids better. And I don't blame them, cause I would do the same thing. Probably for the rest of my life. It's so sad.

My day today was rather uneventful. Tomorrow will be interesting though as we are having our house sprayed for spiders and bugs so we have to be out of the house for 4 hours. Isaiah and I will be at my mom and dads house for that time. And I think that my dad and I are going to be doing our bible study while I am there. My mom, is going to fix us dinner. I think she said something about fried chicken. Tonight I ordered pizza, I couldn't help it, I really didn't want to have a sandwich or soup. That's so blah.

In the news today I heard a story about some an Alabama lawmaker who wants to ban all books that are written by homosexuals from the public school libraries. Including books that have characters of that sort. ( if you want to see the article here is the address: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/04/26/eveningnews/main691106.shtml?CMP=ILC-SearchStories )

I cannot believe this man. He says that he is trying to protect our children, that this lifestyle is wrong and harmful...well that's all fine and good, but you can't ban certain books from public reading simply because you find it to be wrong. He even tried to ban William Shakespeare! I really don't know what is happening to the world when the government thinks that it is ok to push their own moral values on the world. It is not up to them to tell people what they can and cannot read. It doesn't matter if you agree with him or not, what he is doing is wrong. Oh by the way, I forgot, his name is Gerald Allen. This is just so crazy, basically, he is saying that the libraries should only have books of certain kinds, with certain values. That sounds a whole lot like he is trying to control how we think. And more importantly, limit our kid's learning. What about high schoolers, are they supposed to just not read a book that would give them great knowledge, or spark their creativity, simply because a homosexual wrote it? It is just stupid. I would like to smack that guy over the head. Really. I would. Maybe with one of the very books that he hates.

Here is a quote from him..."It's not healthy for America, it doesn't fit what we stand for," says Allen. "And they (Homosexuals) will do whatever it takes to reach their goal."

Their goal? What would that be? To take over the world? Corrupt our whole country? I am sure that right now "they" are all gathered together in a secret hiding place plotting against us all with their next best selling book. This is so stupid that I almost feel dumber for having read and listened to the dumb thing.

So, I think that I will end with that, because I don't think that anything else I type could be more interesting. Cya.

04.25.05
11:03pm

So, today I decided to take Isaiah to the park, one we haven't been to before that is over by where Woodbridge starts. So, I thought that I would also invite my friend Lorenda, since she lives very close by to it. So I called her and she agreed and brought her little boy with her. Well, It is a good thing that I did that. Otherwise I never would have found out that we were supposed to have dinner at her house tonight.

Evidently, she had talked to James a week ago, and invited us over. Of course, he never told me about it. So, if I hadn't asked her to meet me at the park, we never would have gone, and she would have been like, "Where are those jerks?" Sometimes I don't understand how a man, who is so smart, and has all this computer knowledge in his head, can forget something as simple as telling me we have dinner plans on Monday. Is it that hard to do. And, if you know you are prone to forgetting, which he knows that he is, then you would also think that you would write stuff down, so you don't forget. Although, his excuse is that he already has so much info stored in his head, that to add anything new would require him getting rid of something else. How dumb is that? Lame excuses.

I am getting really tired of lame excuses. I been hearing to many this past week.

And then, I went and read about the two siblings, ages 2 and 3, who were found dead in Georgia in some kind of ditch or sewer, I forget which. And it just makes me so angry that there are people out there who just have no problem hurting children. I mean something must be seriously wrong in their head, to think that killing someone who can't possible do you any harm is ok. Just thinking about the pain and confusion those two precious kids must have went through, breaks my heart. And then, I start to think about what if that was Isaiah, and what that would do to me. And do you remember that lady, along time ago, who went into a court room with a shot gun and shot and killed the guy who molested her son?

She was sent to prison I believe. Well, I know it isn't the right thing to do...but I am going to be honest here, and you can think what you want of me, but, if that was my son, and someone hurt him in that way, or worse, killed him, I think that if I could, I would do the same thing. Now, I put that "I think I would" only because there is always a seed of doubt, and in the end you never know what you are really going to do. But I know at the very least, that I would be incredibly tempted. And that is at the very least. At the second least, if that makes sense, I would seriously injure him...like disfigure him. ugh, I really don't can't imagine someone thinking that is ok to do to a child. They are so innocent and pure. The only consolation, is that they are in heaven...but still, it makes me feel so angry, and scared for Isaiah. There is just so much evil around us. How do you explain the dangers of the world to a 3 year old...how do you make them understand the dangers that are out there, without freaking them out? And, the worst part is that you don't always have your child with you, sometimes they are with friends, or family, and you have to worry about the fact that you are not there watching over them. You worry about what horrible things could be happening to them while you are not around. I really had no idea how much worrying went into being a parent. It's crazy. Well, that's enough for now, I need to sleep. Bye.

04.24.05
12:28am

I realize that in all the baby books that I have read, they say that it is normal to start worrying about things that are horrific. I hope that is true. Today I found myself thinking that it would be horrible if I got this far in my pregnancy, and then the baby died. Now, that is very unlikely, possible, but unlikely. Yet still I can't help but worry. I find myself trying to remember if she has moved around enough today.

One thing for sure is that today she was. I think that she must be feeling particularly happy today because it is like she is having a party in there. I realize though that the bigger she gets, the less room there is for her in there to move. So I know that feeling her move less is normal, it's just strange to get used to.

Today I used some other gift cards that we got and bought one of those glider rocking chairs, you know they are made of wood, but have the big cushions all around them, and they come with the rocking ottoman too. We got one that was a natural coloring, so when it is time to take it out of the baby's room, it can look nice in the living room too. We also bought a ceiling fan for the bedroom, all the fan blades are different bright colors. James is working on getting the computers out of there, so basically things are coming along really well. And I am so looking forward to Isaiah's birthday party. I think it will be good for him to get so much attention before the baby comes.

Earlier today I was reading an article about how Americans are very fond of risk aversion. It mentioned how if you go to a park, you will hear parents constantly saying, "Don't run", "Watch out", "Don't climb so high". That is just one example, but you get my point. I think it is right. I think that we do all worry way to much about getting injured, especially when it comes to our kids. James made me get rid of that ideal right away though...he thinks that Isaiah should learn how to do everything. Even if it does involve in being up 9 feet in the air. I do think that when it comes to kids that some parents to freak out way to easily. I mean, I will let Isaiah try almost anything, as long as it won't kill him, or permanently injure him. This is quite possibly why he can climb like a monkey. Now, me personally, I lack in risk taking when it comes to risking death. I won't fly, because it is possible, not likely, but possible, that the plane will go down and I will die. I won't sky dive, for one because it involves flying and I could up there, and two, what if my parachute didn't open. And yes, I realize that I could die driving a car, but I don't care about that statistic, so don't bring it up. I even get nervous before getting on a roller coaster, because I worry about what could happen if it got stuck while we were upside down. But because those are so fun, I go on them anyway. lol It's my one big risk.

Anyway, it is after one in the morning now, and I am tired, so I better get to bed. Bye.

04.23.05
10:03pm

What a great day! I had so much fun at the baby shower. And in the end I think that it was a good thing that at least 10 people didn't show up, since it was still a packed house and we were even short a few chairs still. If you read my journal from last night, you would remember that I was writing about the differences between boys and girls. Well let me tell you, there is also a difference even before they are born. When I was pregnant with Isaiah, and we had my baby shower, I got a lot of great gifts. Although I got some clothes, I mostly got a lot of stuff. Play pen, highchair, bath tub, ect. Well, when you are having a girl, the baby shower gifts are much different. I think I received 90% clothes. lol It is obvious that everyone loves shopping for little baby girl outfits. And I can't blame them, they were all so adorable. And I even got some gift certificates and so tonight we went to Target and got some more stuff. It is all very exciting. And now we get to plan Isaiah's birthday party!

Whew! There is so much going on to look forward to that this baby will be here in no time flat.

The baby shower games were also fun. One game consisted of about 25 questions that were all about me. It was to find out who knows the most about Eva. My best friend Tiffany won that prize. Personally, I assumed that she would win that game. After all, your best friends usually do know most things about you. I thought that the party was wonderful. And I think that everyone had a great time. I know I did.

Thank you to my mom Leesa, my aunt Shari, and my mom's friend Dixie, for putting it together.

I think that tonight James is going to start moving his computers out of the room too. We still need to buy a dresser for the baby. And also a car seat. So after he gets all of that stuff out of there, we can begin to make plans. What should go where and stuff. Oh yea, I also need to buy a swing...Isaiah loved his, and I imagine Evelyn will want one too. So, surprisingly the house looks really great still, and besides some confetti that is on the floor still, you wouldn't even know that there had been a party here.

On a down side, I must admit that even though I have only gained a total of 16 pounds this whole time, I look pretty fat in the pictures that were taken today. I realize of course that this could just be my perception of myself, but I think that it is accurate. I looked kinda bloated.

Anyway, on a whole different topic. You know how nowadays you can get those V-Chips for your TV so you can make sure your kids aren't watching something they shouldn't, and then they have similar programs for your computers? Well I just read a little bit ago that a company is now going to be trying to do something similar with video games. This is so ridiculous. What ever happened to parents simply not buying the kid a bad game? Have parents forgotten that they are in charge? You buy the games!! Don't buy the bad ones. If you aren't sure if the game is bad or not, how about buying it, and playing it yourself first? Oh, what's that you say? Your kids buy those games with there own money? How about you stop giving them money then! Ugh. It makes me outraged! Parents these day's want to blame everyone and everything but themselves. You are responsible...you make the choices. It's the same thing as when people blame McDonalds, or someplace else, for their kids getting fat. Who is driving that kid there? Who buys the food? I am telling you right now that the most honest movie out there that tells it like it is about all this stuff is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Ever listen to those songs that the Umpa Lumpas are singing? They are saying exactly what I am saying. It is the parents fault. Isaiah loves video games, loves them...but do I let him sit there in front of the TV all day? No, he has a two hour a day limit. Do I let him watch TV all day and sit on his butt? No, he has a time limit for that too. And I make sure that he is active during the day as well. Either by going for walks, playing in the yard, or something. It is up to us, the parents, to set an example of what is right and wrong, and of what is important in life. And let me tell you what, kids learn that kind of stuff very young.

Anyway, now that I am done venting about that topic, I think that I will go now. After all, church is starting at 10 am tomorrow, and Sunday School at 9am. That is going to require that we get up extra early. Cya...bye.

04.22.05
9:46pm

Tomorrow is the big day. Although I have already received some gifts. My Aunt Shari, who is also hosting the party along with my mom, got me a whole bunch of stuff. Tons of clothes, and she said that she wanted to get me more. I don't know if that would have been possible, considering how much she already got. They were all beautiful clothes though and she even got me some for next year when she is a year old. Those will be a big help. My neighbor also dropped off a gift since she will not be able to make it. Honestly, I don't remember people being so excited about shopping for Isaiah when I was having him. It must just be a girl thing. Little girl stuff is just more fun to shop for. I did a bunch of cleaning though and although I am regretting it now, it was good that I did it. Everything looks great except the kitchen floor, which I will take care of in the morning. I think that James and Isaiah are going to be meeting his friend Kevin in Elk Grove during the party. I don't know what they have planned, but hopefully it will be something that Isaiah can enjoy.

You know what is scary about having a little girl. It's a whole different set of problems for the teen years then it is for a boy. I mean, for a boy, they can get a girl pregnant, and when you have the girl, you have the fear that she will get pregnant. I know that it sounds like the same thing, but it isn't. The fact of the matter is that when a boy gets a girl pregnant, odds are that baby will not be staying with you. That "boy" will not have to deal with everything that the girl does. And if you happen to be the parents of that daughter...and lets say she is 16. Well, you know what's going to happen. The entire household changes. Her life, your life. Your daughters dreams are either gone, or at least put on hold. And I am not saying this is always the case, but it sure is the general rule. Then, you have the whole thing where if you have a son, who is allowed to maybe stay out till midnight, and your daughter, also wants the same rule, but because she is a girl, you don't feel safe allowing that. Is this discrimination? Is it just being cautious? Do you not have as much faith in your daughter? Is it showing lack of trust for her? Probably not, most likely you are just worried about someone attacking her, where as you know that is not as likely for a boy. But is that really fair. What is fair, is to have the same curfew for both kids. Then there are so many different pressures for girls then there are for boys. Last night I was listening to the radio show Love Line while I was going to the store, and a 12 year old girl had called in. You know what one of her problems was? She was harassed at school, and called dirty names, simply because she had developed way earlier then the other girls. And it wasn't a little bit, she had developed a lot. So, because of that, the girls all called her names, and she had no friends....unless you count the guys in her class who liked to stare at her. I mean this is the kind of stuff that girls have to worry about. I remember the same thing when I was in 6th grade. Some girl, I forget her name, also was like that...and every guy in class wanted to be her friend. I honestly think that trying to help a daughter grow up to not only like herself, but respect herself in this world today is going to one of the hardest things to do. So many people are out there just waiting to put you down. They want to make themselves feel good by making you feel bad. When I first moved to Galt, I was in the 4th grade. And although I wasn't "fat", I was thicker than the other girls in my class, so I got made fun of all the time. And you know what...that stuck with me. I also called myself names in the mirror, or got disgusted with myself. Thought that no guy was ever going to want to be with me. I swear that I am going to try so very hard to make sure that Evelyn thinks highly of herself. And Isaiah too, because I realize that boys do have these problems too. Ugh, when you decide to have a baby you don't think about all this...it's when you have the baby, that you start freaking out and worrying about all the dangers that are out there. And in the end, all you can do is pray to God to help you raise your children right, and to please protect them. I pray that for Isaiah all the time. I want so badly for him to be a good person, who loves God. And I also so badly want him to realize that we do everything for his benefit, and to know, as much as he can know, how very deeply we love him. But I really don't think that kids can understand how much their parents love them until they themselves have kids. I know that was the case for me. Anyway, this is going on forever. I better go, I have a big fun day tomorrow. Bye.

04.21.05
12:57am

Right now I am chatting online with James' best friend (and our former room mate) Kevin, so I can already tell this is going to take forever for me type. Earlier I was watching that dumb show that I love/hate, ER, and I flipped during a commercial to a news station. They were talking about something that I found very interesting, and I was going to write about it tonight. But what happened? I flipped back to ER and got caught up in the story and now I can't remember what it was I was so interested in. That can be so frustrating. Not that there aren't other things to write about in the world. Like the monkey at some zoo in another country who is addicted to smoking. Now there is something that you don't hear about everyday.

I did so much tonight instead of during the day that I am sure I will fall right to sleep. Went grocery shopping after ER, came home, put it all away, cleaned up the kitchen, and now I am typing this. And dear God it is so hot in this bed room. Is it just the hormones? I don't even know. But I have to clean more tomorrow, and I can only hope that Isaiah is as easy going tomorrow as he was today. It really is taking forever to type this out while chatting with Kevin.

So, you know that news segment called "Everybody Has A Story"? Where the guy goes from city to city, randomly calls someone from the phone book, and whoever answers, he tries to get them to tell him their life story. Well, I personally think that I would be the perfect person for that segment. Now, some things about my life that were tough, a couple of you know already, but there are some parts of my life that when I am telling certain stories I leave them out. I mean not everyone needs to know right? But I'll tell you what, if that guy called, I would spill it all. I mean that right there is pretty much a video journal of your life, and the closest thing I am ever going to get to having a movie about my life. When I think of all the whack-a-do friends I have had, all the ones that were great, that betrayed me, all the tough times, now that would be a book I would read. Anyway, I hate to cut this short, and I know I haven't written anything to exciting lately, so I will try to do better tomorrow. After all it's 1:30 am now. I need to sleep. Bye.

04.20.05
11:31pm

I did it! I convinced James to let us get one of those inflatable jumpers for Isaiah's birthday party. I am so excited about it. I think that it will be a great hit with the kids. We are also going to have decorations that will be Star Wars themed, and a piñata, and gift bags. You could say that we are going all out this time. Might as well, as next year we will have two parties within two weeks of each other. That is going to get expensive. But it will also be so much fun. I was thinking though that I probably shouldn't have Dusty (our bigger dog) here for Isaiah's party, as she tends to want to jump in everything. Especially if it isn't something she should get into. Tonight James is shampooing the living room carpet and hallway in preparation for the baby shower. I cleaned the hall bathroom. Everyday that passes makes me feel like I need to be cleaning something else. I am not going to mop the kitchen floor until Friday night though, or maybe even Saturday morning, as the dogs have a tendency to get the kitchen floor dirty. I swear that every morning they have to run at full speed outside and bark at some thing or other, and then come right back in with muddy paws. Luckily for us, the brown carpet and kitchen are the first places they walk through, so by time they hit the lighter carpet, their paws are clean.

Isaiah and I had a good time today with Gina and her kids at SomePlace Fun in Galt. We were there for about 2 hours almost and the kids had a blast. After that I took him to my friends house to play with her little boy, and let me tell you that by the time we got home he had no problem going down for a nap. Which was of course my intention. Although I didn't get to nap as well as I would have liked. But oh well.

Tomorrow I will since my mom will be coming to get Isaiah. I really love that I have such a great mom. And Isaiah loves, I mean loves, going to their house. He doesn't even like leaving.

I just finished reading a story about some guy in Florida, who was a great dad by all accounts, loving and all that, and for the very first time, left his infant son in the car by accident, and he died. Now, first of all, that is horrible. I mean simply tragic. I can only imagine the pain of losing a child, but to know it was your fault, wow, that is pain I never want to feel. So, the article goes on to say that leaving a child in a car either on purpose, or by accident, could be dangerous and deadly, as in this case. Well gee, we really needed them to tell us that? I mean how many times have I gotten in my car on a summers day and left like I was being suffocated by the heat. I can't even begin to count. Sometimes I am amazed by what people will write in these articles. I mean obviously it is a bad idea, so how about thinking of ways to prevent it and writing about that instead. I'll tell you what though, I just pray that the father of that baby finds some way to deal with his pain. I hope that God can comfort him, and heal his heart as best as possible.

Anyway, that was sad, so I will be done. I can't think of anything else after that. Bye people.

04.19.05
11:01pm

Well, it came. James' new computer finally arrived. He is very excited. It is really nice. It better be for the price we paid. I imagine that he will be doing stuff with it for most of the night, installing his programs and stuff. He mentioned that he is going to take it to work tomorrow too, to show it off. You know most guys show off their new cars, or maybe a new TV, but no, if your a computer geek, the coolest thing around is a new computer. At least now we can clear out that office, and turn it into a nursery. I am excited about that.

I am however a tiny bit upset about the fact that Rob and Amber, from the show Survivor, did get married, and it will be shown on TV, but it will be televised on May 24th. I won't even be home to watch it! I will be in the hospital. Hopefully my room will have a TV and I can watch it in there. I don't want to miss it. I almost feel like they are friends. Silly huh?

Also, I can not believe that the catholic church choose a Pope who is already 78 years old. Don't they realize that this guy is going to die in no time? I mean, yes, it is possible that he has another 10 years or more in him, don't get me wrong, but they could have chosen someone younger. It just seems stupid if you ask me.

Tomorrow I am going to that indoor playground again in Galt. I will be meeting Gina and Violet there. Isaiah is going to have a great time.

I might also stop by a friends house after that too, let Isaiah play some more. Then he will really be tired out. And since my mom won't be taking him tomorrow, I can maybe try to get him to take a nap, so I still can too.

I was watching the movie Mary Poppins today with Isaiah, and realized something. Mr. Banks, the father, looks like Pastor Rob. Not exactly or anything, but they have some common features that as soon as I saw him, I thought of Pastor Rob right away. At some points in the movie, I even thought they sounded alike. I do love that movie though. I think that some times a movie gets made that no matter how old it is, you just can't help but love it. Such is the case with the movie Labyrinth. Yes I realize that David Bowie is in it, wearing a really stupid spandex outfit, but it is one of my all time favorites. I really need to get it on DVD though, because I don't have a VCR anymore, and I want Isaiah to be able to watch it.

Have any of you ever watched the movie A Bronx Tale? That is another excellent movie...You should watch it. I though of that cause I am listening to the soundtrack right now...a bunch of great oldies in that movie.

Anyway, that's all for now. Bye.

04.18.05
11:41pm

I have never been to Chuck E Cheese before in my life, and so even though I was expecting it to just be ok, I must say that I actually enjoyed myself. Not as much as the kids I am sure, but I did have fun. The birthday party was good, and I was surprised by how much the employees actually do for you. They provide a cake, entertainment, you get free tokens, all kinds of stuff, just for having the party there. Although I am sure that it costs a good amount of money to reserve your spot. Driving up there was a pain in the butt though. We left here at 5:30pm and of course when we got into Sacramento traffic practically stopped. Turns out there was an accident in one of the lanes. A truck ran into someone else from behind. They didn't have the courtesy to move their vehicles to the shoulder. It is that kind of annoying stuff, among others, that makes it so I will never live in Sacramento.

Oh, and by the way, I know when our baby's birthday will be! That's right folks. My doctor visit went great! I loved my doctor, actually he kind of reminded me of Mr. Rogers. Anyway, he said that it is a slim chance that I will be able to deliver this baby naturally, since it does appear that the baby will be big like Isaiah. Although of course, he can't say for certain. But, since the chances of it are good, we are going to plan a c-section. I am not thrilled with the idea, but I know that it is the best course of action. So, we will be going in on May 23rd in the morning. I will know a exact time later. But he said probably late morning. So....that is going to be Evelyn's birthday! It's so cool. And it will be 2 weeks and 2 days after Isaiah's birthday. Man, now time is really going to fly by. Only 5 weeks till she comes. And I have to start giving out Isaiah's birthday party invitations too. I imagine I will be able to give most of them out at my baby shower, and the rest I can just mail. So that will be helpful.

Man, trying to plan a party for Isaiah is kind of hard too. I want the kids to mostly stay outside, instead of all being in his room at once. But I have to make sure that there is fun stuff for them to do while they are out there. I was thinking that we could get one of those blow up bouncers, but that depends on how much money I want to spend. Or should I say, how much James wants to spend, since he is the one who will probably care. Although there are also ones that you can buy that look pretty cool. I might try to convince him to get one of those. Then not only can Isaiah use it for a couple more years, but Evelyn will be able to also. You can't lose.

So, besides all that, my day was fine. I am sore right now, but nothing new there either. I am however getting very excited about my baby shower and seeing everyone. It will be so much fun. Cya Later all...bye.

04.17.05
10:29pm

Whew! What a day full of nothing but cleaning. Still trying to get all the major cleaning done before the baby shower. I think today was the last of it though. We finished the windows, and cleaned the ceiling fans. And just because it needed it, we put some caulking in the the master bathroom and around the bathroom window. It looks so much better now. We did the hall bathroom too, simply because the stuff I put on it before ended up being clear colored, instead of white. So it ended up being pointless. And as can be expected from all of that clean up, I am now feeling the pain in my back. I can't wait to go to sleep and let it fade away. Although tomorrow will have it's own interesting things, as I will be going to the doctor tomorrow to see the actual doctor. If he knows what is good for him this doctor will have my records from the Kaiser in Stockton, and will have a birthing plan in mind for me. If not I am going to tell him that I would like to just go along with what my previous doctor in Stockton recommended. After all, she was probably right anyway.

I know that the closer you get to the end of your pregnancy, the more cramped it becomes in your womb, since the baby is getting so big. And they say that because of this the baby will probably not be moving around as much. LIES! All lies I tell you. This kid is still moving around as much as ever, and let me tell you, since it is so cramped, it is starting to get uncomfortable. During Sunday School class today she was poking me up by my ribs. I don't know what makes her think that is a good idea. Maybe my ribs look like a toy. lol

I am nervous to be driving to Kaiser tomorrow, even though my dad will be with me. I know that it is easy to find, but I am just one of those people who isn't comfortable driving to unfamiliar places. Which is why tomorrow evening, when we go to my best friends sons birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, I will be having James drive, since it is in Sacramento. I think that since they are twins, and we are waiting for James to get paid soon, I will just be getting them a joint present. Something like a movie. I know that sounds lame, after all, they are still two different boys with different personalities, but I can't help it if money is a little bit tight right now.

I don't even know if Isaiah will have a good time at Chuck E Cheese. If anything he will just want to play video games the whole time, and I don't really think I have quarters for that. And I think that most of the other games are for bigger kids. But we'll see. When it comes to Isaiah's B-Day we are having the party here. We learned our lesson from last year though and we will not be feeding everyone lunch. Last time a bunch of people who said they were going to be here with their kids didn't show up, and so we had a bunch of left over pizza. Not doing that again. But it will still be fun, we will probably have drinks at least, and a cake of course. James wants to get another piñata. Isaiah loves those. I still can't decide if I want to have a swimming pool in the backyard for the kids or not. I will have to wait and see. Anyway, that is all, just another normal day in my life. Talk to you later. Bye.

04.16.05
11:39pm

Lots of stuff was done today. James did the yard work, I washed the car, and Isaiah fell backwards into a bucket of water and got his behind all wet. It was pretty funny. We also went to James' youngest brothers house in Elk Grove for dinner. Isaiah got to play with his cousins which I think he enjoyed. I did a lot of cleaning today too. I thought that it would be better to get some of the harder stuff cleaned around here for the baby shower early, instead of the day before. Good thing I am doing that too, because I didn't realize how nasty our windows were until today. All that winter rain and wind really made them gross. I am hoping that James will clean off all the ceiling fans tomorrow. Then, on Monday we are going to start shampooing the carpet. One room a day for five days should get it done in time. Isaiah's room needs it too, so we are including his. Things are just coming up so fast. I know if I don't get this stuff started now, it will never get done in time.

Monday is my doctor appointment with my actual doctor. I had asked my mom to go with me, since that Kaiser is so big and makes me nervous, but she couldn't get the time off from work. So instead my dad is going to come with me. I am just glad that I won't be alone.

One thing that I am concerned about is the doctor having my records from the Kaiser in Stockton. It will be ridiculous if they don't, and so if that is the case, then I am just going to tell him that I would like to follow the advice of my doctor in Stockton, and go ahead and have a c-section. She seemed to think that it was the best course of action, and personally, I would rather go in knowing what to expect, then go into labor, hope for a natural birth, and then get disappointed. So, hopefully by Monday night when I write in this thing I will have something of value to say in regards to that topic.

I also went shopping with my mom this morning. Not shopping at a store, but we went shopping for garage sales. She is always saying that she doesn't have enough toys for Isaiah when he is at her house. So I thought I would take her to the garage sales, and let her get him some. She did find a couple cute toys, but mainly we got him big stuff. Like a Leap Frog learning system, one of those big metal rocking horses with the springs, you know what kind I mean, and then we found a practically new car seat for the baby. That way she will have one as well. But, still, she really needs to have some more toys, so, if any of you out there reading this have some fun toys that Isaiah might like, and you want to give them away, think of us. My mom would love to have them. Isaiah is especially into animals right now and action figures, and cars of course. No stuffed animals please, we have enough of those.

I feel really tired all of a sudden. I think that my body has finally given up and is ready to collapse. So, I will end this here. Cya you all at church. Bye.

04.15.05
6:50pm

Ok, so today my dad was finally feeling better from that cold he got from Isaiah, and he came over to do our bible study. I was excited. Now that I realize the problem I was having, it was much easier to read and think about. First of all, Tom Lane was right when he said that what we are studying has a lot to do with the book of Romans. We read through several different sections of the bible to answer some questions. I thought I would share them.

Romans 8:11
Romans 8:15-16
Romans 8:26-27
John 7:38-39
John 16:13-15

Now, we were supposed to read these and answer the following questions.

1.) What exactly are we meant to experience because of the Holy Spirit, according to God's promise?

2.) Tell your best understanding of what each passage teaches us about what the Holy Spirit's role is meant to be in your own life.

Now, after reading all those, and then we also read some other ones that our bibles recommended for reference, I realized that the bible really does mention the Holy Spirit quite often. A lot actually. But it seems like I never paid attention to that. That is part of my problem, and why I am glad to be having a bible study, I have a hard time reading the bible and really seeing what it is I am reading. In James' bible, the commentary said something to the effect of "The world does not recognize the Holy Spirit." And my dad made mention of the fact that Holy Spirit is kind of like a silent friend, who guides us when we need him, and is there to help us do what is right. We don't always hear from him, but in our hearts we feel his presence. Then it occurred to me that when I was watching Billy Graham a day or two ago, and I started crying when all the people were coming forward, that although I usually would say that was God touching my heart, I could just as easily say that was the Holy Spirit touching my heart. I thought of that today because my dad mentioned that he was watching the same show and also was crying through the whole thing. Isn't that neat? Now, I was looking in my bible's commentary, and in regards to Romans 8:26-27 it say's, "When Christians are so troubled as to find great difficulty in praying, the Holy Spirit is interceding for them with divine intensity that expresses their needs perfectly to God." I understood that perfectly. There have been times when I knew there were things of importance that needed to be mentioned in prayer, or certain feelings that I was having, but I could not express them, so instead, I would just count on the fact that God already knows what is in my heart. And it is nice to know that yes, it was getting through to him. So, there it is, my deep thinking for the day. Hope that was interesting to someone out there.

On another note, I had a great day with Isaiah. We went with my friend Lorenda, and her son to Lodi Lake on the nature walk. The kids had a great time running everywhere, and I was surprised that Isaiah didn't fall asleep on the way home. Although I suppose that he was pretty preoccupied with the cut he got on his finger, so that could have been it.

Also, another cool thing is that my mother in law is going to be painting a mural in the baby's room and in Isaiah's room. We told her that Alice in Wonderland would be a good idea, and for Isaiah, well, Ninja's is what we picked, our kid really just loves all that action stuff. lol Well, I guess that's it for now, I am gonna go wash the car, while there is still some sun out. Bye people.

04.14.05
11:29pm

So, I went to the grocery store bout an hour ago. I know that sounds late, but I prefer to do it that way because then Isaiah is asleep, and James can just stay here with him. I get to go all alone, and I like that. So, when you are at a grocery store that late, they usually only have one line open, because not many people are shopping. And of course, it is the 10 items or less line. I realize this and know from how often I go there that this is the line they want me to go in anyway. So I do, and while I am loading my stuff up a lady comes up behind me with her cart full of maybe 12 things, so I let her go ahead of me, since it will take me a while to unload it all anyway. Then when she is about done, and I am still doing my thing, another guy comes up and he only has a soda, so I let him go too. Well, Just as that guy leaves, and I am unpacking the last of my stuff, the cashier starts ringing me up. At that same time, 3 more customers get behind me in line, but I wasn't just going to let them all go ahead of me too. I mean if I kept doing that I would never get done. So I don't say anything to them. And let me tell you what, I could feel them glaring at me. I know what they were thinking. That I have some nerve not letting them go ahead of me. Or that just cause I am pregnant doesn't mean I get special treatment. And I know they are thinking this, I know it. Because it is the exact thing that I would think. It wouldn't occur to me either that people had been allowed to go ahead before I got there. So anyway, that kind of bugged me. But nothing I can do about it anyway.

Tomorrow I have the car, and I don't know what to do with it. I suppose that I should go out someplace, but I don't know where. Sometimes I feel bad because I have been so wore out lately and I know that little Isaiah needs me to be more active with him. I would like to say that it will get better when the baby comes, but on second thought I suppose that I will be more tired then I am now. I do love though how even though I know my laziness bugs him, he is so sweet to me still. I will be laying in bed while he is in his room playing, and he will come in sometimes and give me a kiss, and then go back and play. He is so great. And if I try to get up from sitting and I say ouch out loud because it hurt, he will come and kiss me where he thinks it hurt at. I love hearing him talk to me. Like when I ask him a question, and he answers with, "Yea mama." or "No, mama." And if I ask if his diaper needs to be changed, he will say, "No mama I ok." What a cutie. He really is a polite little guy.

James is going to be doing alot of work this weekend I think, actually he is working right now too. He is trying to get as much done as he can, since when the baby comes he will be taking 2 weeks off from work. I am excited about that because when we had Isaiah he went to work right a way the next day. It was very lucky for me that my mom took a week off from work to stay with me and help me. Otherwise I would have been a mess. I was in the hospital for 3 days after I had Isaiah, and I got so used to the nurses helping me and bringing me everything that when I got home with Isaiah, I didn't know what to do. I was kind of like, "Ok, who is going to bring me the diapers?" Because you know, they (the nurses) always did. It was confusing to say the least. I am glad that this time we will be more prepared.

I think that it will still be strange in a lot of ways though too. Having Isaiah here, and dealing with how he handles the change, is going to be a big thing. I hope that he handles it well, but I guess we won't really know until it happens. Hopefully he won't try to hide the baby. I have heard stories like that. Where kids want the baby gone, and they will hide it in the closet or something.

Anyway, that's all for now. Bye.

04.13.05
8:48pm

Isaiah is watching the movie Alien vs. Predator right now with James. He watched it earlier with me, and loved it. I mean really loved it. He wanted to watch it again. The kid is nuts, he loves action movies so much, and anything with a scary bad guy. I am almost certain he will be desensitized by time he is 5. lol We had such a fun day today though. I took him and my friend and her son to that place I told ou about in Galt called Someplace Fun. As soon as Isaiah saw where we were he remembered it and got very excited. It was a lot of fun. We stayed for almost 2 hours. It is worth the ten dollars. What is really amazing though is that I am allowing James and Isaiah to watch that movie right now and I am going to miss American Idol. I really need to get a second TV in this house. We only have the one. So when stuff like this happens, and we both want to watch something different, it makes it very difficult.

I think that hell must be freezing over, since not only have I not been watching my soap operas, but I am missing American Idol.

It has been really nice out lately, and so of course Isaiah has been going outside quite often. If I tell him to close the sliding door after he goes out, he will, and most of the time, he will do it anyway, but he does forget sometimes too, and it is because of those times that right now I have about a hundred little gnats flying around my house. They are driving me insane. They just hover around light like they will die without it. Even my poor laptop screen.

I am having a really hard time right now typing this out. I think all that activity today really made my limbs sore. Sitting here hurts. I am now laying down with a pillow on my lap and the laptop on that, it makes it a little bit easier. But my typing skills are being tested.

Also on TV tonight was Billy Graham. I watched some of it. It's kind of hard not too. Towards the end he asked for anyone who wanted to come to know Jesus Christ to come forward. Keep in mind that this was a huge, full, stadium. After he asked this question, well, I can't even begin to tell you how many people where coming down to the floor of the stadium. Hundreds. It was so amazing that I almost started crying. I think that my grandpa liked him alot.

Anyway, I am feeling really sore, so I think that I will just wait till tomorrow to write some more. It's just to hard to do this right now. Bye people.

04.12.05
9:19pm

Another great night of TV. Or at least an hour of it was. You know the song by Queen, called Bohemian Rhapsody? The contestant Constantine did that one, and wow was he great. I have always loved that song. And it was so cool when the movie Wayne's World brought it back to popularity. Music is so much fun. Today I had to put on a Guns n Roses cd, I believe I played there 4th album. It just feels good to put on a great rock cd and blast it really loud during the day because you know most of your neighbors aren't home anyway, so they won't care. And Isaiah has been hearing loud music around here for so long that it isn't even a big deal. I remember one time when he had a older friend stay the night, he was 4 at the time, and I was playing the radio really loud. He said, "It's too loud Eva, I can't hear anything!" Isaiah just looked at him like he was strange. lol You gotta love it.

Some of my favorite songs though are slow songs. Even Guns n Roses have some. Like November Rain for instance, and Patience. But I also love sad songs...things that make me think of people in my life, and then of course I end up crying. About a week ago, I was in the drive through line at Jack in the Box and I was listening to the radio. The song Dance with my Father Again, by Luther Vandross came on. I always cry with that. I think of my own dad, think of Isaiah....and so there I am in my car, getting a little bit teary, the song ends, and what do they play next, Get Into the Grove, by Madonna. Now, I love Madonna, but who plays a up beat song like that after a sad one? I just thought that it was really strange. Maybe it's just me, but I always like to work my way up from sad to up beat.

You know what is annoying, is when you are sad, and your crying, for whatever reason it may be, and whoever is around you at the time tries to make jokes to cheer you up. Sometimes it's fine, if you have been sad long enough and are ready to be done crying. But I swear, that a lot of the times when James tries that with me, I am not in the mood to be happy yet. I feel sad, I want to be sad, I want to cry, so please leave me alone and let me do it. And of course, they are always stupid little jokes, that quite frankly, make you feel even worse. Oh, but at least he tries right? lol

Last night we put the crib together, and this other thing that someone got us for putting baby stuff in. It is exciting for me at least to see the crib up, in a way it signifies that the baby is almost here, that big things are about to happen. One of which is the baby shower that my mom is throwing me. That is in less than two weeks. Time is flying by so fast. It will be nice to have all my family and friends together though to celebrate. And my mom is doing a great job getting everything ready. I know it will be fun.

Ok though, I think I am done for now. Lots to do tomorrow, so I will write about all that then. Bye.

04.11.05
9:56pm

Tonight I was kinda bored, so I thought that even though I usually don't, I would turn on the TV and see what was on. Well, what I ended up watching was Nanny 911. I find it hilarious to watch these parents mess things up so badly, when to me at least, it is obvious what they are doing wrong. I could be one of those nannies. Let them pay me. What really got me though on this one was the husband was a lazy, good for nothing, bitter, resentful, man. He made his wife do everything, yet acted like she did nothing important. Ugh. I swear that man is lucky, if that had been me, I would have left him a long time ago. I guess that I am lucky though that I have such a awesome husband. James is very helpful, and does things that most men I know wouldn't. We mesh really well together. And even if there is something that he didn't do, (as in yesterday's entry) if I mention it, he will do it.

He is always helpful, and even will ask me sometimes if he has been helpful enough. Now that's a real man. Someone who knows that a marriage isn't just one sided, and really does take the whole 50/50 thing seriously. You know what else was bad about that husband in that show was that he didn't seem to get the fact that your kids react to you and your relationship with your partner.

If you don't communicate, they won't either, if you yell a lot, they are going to yell a lot. If you freak out over nothing, they will do the same. Why don't people understand that when kids are young parents are their only role models for how to act. They mimic everything you do. If you want a well behaved child, you better be a well behaved parent. Just seems like common sense to me, but evidently the people on that show don't have any.

There is this place in Galt that opened not too long ago called Someplace Fun. It is for kids and oh my gosh is it great. It's like a big warehouse with huge huge jumpers, big screen TV's, free arcade game, air hockey, etc. You pay $10.00 per kid, and one adult gets in free. I took Isaiah for the first time today and he loved it. The nice thing is that even the parents are allowed to play on the jumpers with the kids, and let me tell you they are big enough for it. I would have, but I knew I was way to pregnant to get my big belly up those things. Incase your interested though in this place, I think that the address is 85 Enterprise Ct. It is right off Industrial Way. I am going to go again on Wednesday I think with a friend and her son.

I love poetry. Really I do. I love reading it, writing it. And I just plain love writing. I like to buy paper, lots of different kinds of paper, tablets, different pens, and write about nothing, or something. In school I would even go as far as to write peoples essay's or book reports, just so I could write them out. Ah, but poetry really is great to read, and to try to figure out what that person was thinking about when they wrote it, or, if like mine, they are just completely random thoughts that really meant nothing at all. When I was in 6th grade, our whole class was assigned to memorize the poem "The Road Not Taken, By Robert Frost. I still have the first part memorized too. I recently came across this poem and thought that I would share it, after all, even if you do know it, I always find that reading something again, sometimes nice and slow, gives you new thoughts that you didn't have before. Bye.

04.10.05
12:11am

04.09.05
9:36pm

While attempting to clean up my kitchen tonight, I asked James to look over that bible study book my dad and I are going through to try to help my better understand what it is talking about. So he did. And you know what happened. I finally came to the core of my problem. But I don't just want to start off by telling you that. So let me start this way. First James talked to me about the fact that Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit are all the same thing. And I agreed. I understand that God is Jesus, Jesus is the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit is God, etc etc... but still I kept telling him that it just wasn't sitting right with me in my head, I felt like all this stuff about having a personal relationship with the Holy Spirit just didn't make any sense to me. Finally, after much thought, I was able to admit my problem. Even though I know that the Holy Spirit is God, I still kind of feel like it isn't. Does that make sense? Am I saying it right? For instance, I never start off a prayer by saying "Dear Holy Spirit..." I start off by saying "Dear Heavenly Father..."

I never think about the Holy Spirit, I just know it exists. I just pray to God, thank Jesus, praise God, worship Jesus. Those are just the main two for me.

I never think about the Holy Spirit. I just know what it is. Now, this might sound even more strange, but I think that because of this, I have a hard time answering questions in that book. When they say something like "What is your relationship with the Holy Spirit?" I kind of get freaked out. It doesn't feel right. It almost feels like if I were to pray to the Holy Spirit like I would be praying to the wrong God, even though in my head I know that's not true. James explained that it is because in general, church's do not teach a lot about the Holy Spirit. So even though I know the truth, I wasn't taught to pray to all three, I wasn't taught to say thank you to the Holy Spirit...so I just don't think about it. And I think he is right, because I can't even remember one time when I heard a sermon on that topic. Sure it gets mentioned in a sentence or something, but that's about it. There are no classes to help you understand this stuff. It almost feels like you are just supposed to know. It's a good thing that you can be a confused Christian, and still get into heaven. Otherwise I would be in trouble. Did any of what I wrote make sense? Sometimes with important topics like that, I have a hard time expressing myself, especially with topics like this, that I am all confused about.

Now, another topic. I went to my cousins baby shower today. And I am not trying to be rude, obviously they had their reasons, and I am sure that it couldn't be avoided. But I really hate it when you get to a party, and they say it will start at a certain time, and then it doesn't. This party was supposed to begin at 2pm. We got there right on time. They were not ready however, and the party did not really start until 3:30pm.. Now, like I said, I am sure they had their reasons, but for me that was frustrating. No one wants to sit there for that long waiting for the party to start. And strangely enough, all the guests were also oddly late. As if they expected that this would happen. To make matters worse, I had to sit in a hard metal chair the whole 4 hours that I was there and by time that I left I was so sore it even hurt to drive.

Tomorrow is going to have just as much stuff to do. Go to church, then my grandma's, then my in-laws. Isaiah is still kinda sick so he will be staying with my mom and dad, as they are sick too. No point in getting the rest of the kids in the nursery sick too.

Anyway, that is all for now, I have written too much as it is. Or at least that is what James just said. Bye.

4.8.05
1:06am

So very very tired today. I don't know what it was, but I could hardly stay awake. Luckily James was working from home today, so when I would start closing my eyes, at least he was sitting there incase something bad happened. Which of course, nothing did. Isaiah is a great kid. I went to the mall this evening though with James and Isaiah and bought another pair of pants and one shirt. They didn't have very many outfits that fit me, so I couldn't get more than that. There was one other pair of pants that fit good around my belly, but they were way to baggy in my legs. It looked dumb. It was so boring though today because of the rain though, and I was kind of disappointed because I thought that it was just gonna be partly cloudy, and I had wanted to take Isaiah to the zoo. Maybe next time though.

Well, incase you have been living in a cave, you probably know that Prince Charles is getting married to that lady Saturday. And you know what I am saying "that lady"? Because that is how much I care about the topic. So little in fact that I am not even gonna put her name in. Why in the heck should we care about what happens over there in the royal family? They aren't even really in charge of anything either you know. It's not like the queen actually gets to make laws and change them. It's all just tradition. It's so crazy, I will be so glad when that is over.

You know, honestly, I can't think of anything else to write about tonight. It was just one of those boring rainy days when I felt tired and nothing good interesting happened. So, I will end this, and just try to write more later.

Bye
 

04.07.05
10:57pm

I am feeling disturbed at the moment. Yes disturbed. I just finished watching the movie "Saw" and let me tell you, it was a great movie, but very disturbing. I would say that if you don't mind gritty, scary, disturbing, emotional, highly dramatic movies, then watch it. But, if you are going to get freaked out, which is highly possible, then skip this one. I think that it is even quite possible that for the first time in like 15 years I might actually have a semi bad dream because of a film. It was just twisted.

I am lending it to my mom and dad for the weekend, I am betting that my mom freaks out some.

I woke up this morning feeling very tired and achy. I figure it is mostly because Isaiah woke up around 1am acting terrified. I don't know what was wrong, but he didn't want us to even touch him. Finally, after like 15 minutes, he calmed down enough to go back to bed. Then after that I couldn't get comfortable, felt awake but still tired, and was very thirsty, so I kept getting up to get a drink. And even though my Grandma Sheila took me out to dinner tonight for Mexican food around 7pm, I am now hungry again. I feel like I didn't even eat. I suppose that it is because the baby is growing at such a high rate right now. You figure in these last 8 weeks she will put on at least 5 more pounds. Now that's freaky. How amazing is it the way a baby grows? I mean it really is incredible. I wish I had x-ray vision, because I would love to look into my tummy and see what she is up to in there.

This weekend, or maybe tomorrow evening, James and I are going to go to Sears to get me some more clothes. Sounds nutty that I should need more already, but I do. My jeans that I have are getting hard just to pull up, and the other ones that I have just look funny now since I am so much bigger. Technically, I only have 2 good pairs of pants. And my shirts are not quite long enough to cover my belly anymore. At one point I said to James, "My clothes are getting to small." To which he replied, "No, your just getting to big." lol He's lucky that I found that funny. Actually I find most things like that funny. Just like when we were teasing each other recently, and he called me a "big hormone". That was a good one, I must admit.

James got gas today for the car, and it cost over $38.00 to fill up the tank. And we have a Ford. I guess that is just something to get used to right now. After all, it doesn't do any good to complain about it, it won't change anything. And if you need to drive, your going to buy it. So in the end, all you can do is just live with it. The funny thing is that even though the gas prices have been high for a long time (in my opinion) people still keep buying big vehicles that require a whole lot of gas. I mean you would think that the world would get the hint, and start buying fuel efficient cars. It's not like you "have" to have an SUV. It's just a nice thing if you can have one. But you don't need it. You can get by without it. Just like most people can get by with out a huge truck. Unless you need that big thing for work, I say sell it. You'll probably save a bundle on gas in the long run.

Anyway, that is all for now people. I need a snack. Although, I don't think I have anything good to snack on, so I don't know what I am going to do about that. Whatever. Bye.

04.06.07
9:47pm

What do you do when you are trying to think of something to type, and your dog is laying next to you, asleep, snoring? I mean give me a break. This dog can snore so loud. I'm not kidding. But even with that going on I do know what to say. And here it is. I am so mad that Scott Savol has yet again escaped being kicked off American Idol and instead a excellent performer was. I don't know what the heck is wrong with the voting world, but it is making me sick. I can't stand this guy, I really can't, and if he doesn't go soon I am going to be beyond frustrated. And it isn't that the guy doesn't have a good voice, no, not at all. But I just can't stand his attitude, I don't like him, and I don't care if the guy can sing good or not. UGH!!!! I want him off that show!

Ok, I am calm now. whew.

So anyway, my day was pretty ordinary. I did have the car today, so I took Isaiah to the park. I was kind of annoyed though at the fact that the grass at the park had obviously not been mowed for well over a week and made it hard to walk through. I know that sounds stupid, but is it really that hard to get someone to mow the park with their big riding mower on a nice day. I know it hasn't been raining, so there really is no excuse. Then, because we were at a park next to a school, all of these junior high kids were walking home. And maybe this is just a girl thing, cause I doubt that boys do it, but every time a semi pretty girl was going to be walking by, I straightened my back, and tried to look my best. You know why I do this? The same exact reason "most" women do it. We all want to try to look as good as possible in front of other good looking women. Why? Who knows, but we do. And then, as we are all looking at each other, we try to find things wrong with the other one. Her hair is ugly. She has fat legs. Look at those ugly shoes. Whatever. It just makes us feel better about ourselves. I'm not kidding either. This is what most girls do. Not all, I am not saying that all women do this. Just us girls who are way to worried about what everyone else thinks. Unfortunately, there is a lot of us. That's why I say most. It's so dumb though, I mean you don't see guys trying to suck in their guts around other guys, just so they can look better than they do. Guys don't care at all how they look around other guys. They will wear the ugliest, foulest shirt, socks with holes, and dirty pants. They don' t care. But we (girls) care. Even if we are with our best friends we care. Probably even more so. It is ridiculous. lol...you know what's the worst thing? When you are trying to look as good as possible, and you come across some girls who are not only pretty, but they are near perfect. And then, well you can do nothing but try to hide yourself because you don't want them seeing you and saying things that you would normally say. Ah, seriously, I don't know what it is that makes us care so much what everyone else thinks. I really don't. I wish that there was a pill I could take to just make those kinds of feelings as unimportant as they can be. See what one day at the park can do?

Well, I think that after all that talk about nothing, I am done. I was trying to think of something else to write, but I am feeling quite blocked. Cya.

04.05.05
11:34pm

Sometimes you read something that you are hoping will clear some things up for you, and what ends up happening is you end up with more questions.  What am I talking about you may ask.  Well I’ll tell you.  Around three thirty today my dad and I started our bible study.  But I had no idea it would be so thought provoking.  This workbook we are doing seems to be starting off at least by focusing on the Holy Spirit.  It was asking questions like:

1.)    What is your relationship with the Holy Spirit?

2.)    Can you recall a time when you felt the Holy Spirit?

3.)    What are your most pressing questions about the Holy Spirit?

4.)    Do you appreciate your relationship with the Holy Spirit?

5.)    How do you know when it is the Holy Spirit that you are feeling?

Now, if these questions had all been changed to use the word God, or Jesus, instead of the word Holy Spirit, I would have been fine.  But as it is, they did not.  And let me tell you I have no idea how to answer those questions.  I know that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are separate, and also are one in the same.  And because of that fact, I never think of them as separate, when I am praying, I pray to God, when I feel a presence telling me to do something, I know it is God.  But I never think to myself, “Huh, that could be the Holy Spirit.” 

I really just feel confused right now.  Am I supposed to be experiencing something different with one than with the other?  Can I just change the word Holy Spirit to God, so when I read the question it makes more sense to me?  Because honestly I just don’t know what to say to all that.  Maybe it is because I haven’t learned much about this area.  I know that it isn’t something I often hear being preached.  I guess I can just hope that this bible study will shed some light on the subject as we go along.  Because I imagine it is something that you should understand.   Maybe I will also ask my dad about it more tomorrow.  He said we might do more of the workbook then. 

On a whole different note, tonight James and I watched the movie Around the Bend.  May I just say that I give that movie 4 stars.  Excellent story, great acting.  I loved it.  I think we are going to be watching the movie Saw either tomorrow or the next day.  I have heard mixed reviews on that one, so I will have to wait and see. 

I feel like there is still more in my head about that dang bible study.  I feel so lost.

After my dad had left I went to lay down for a nap, because my mom had Isaiah.  And I said a prayer to God to please help make sense of it all.  But I think that he wants me to be confused for a while longer, as I don’t feel any clearer on the subject. 

You know what I need to do?  Go into Isaiah’s room and give him a kiss.  That will make me feel clearer.  Looking at your children, I think, is very calming.  Bye.

4.4.05
10:47pm

Ok, so the time change happened on Saturday night right?  And you would think that by now, Monday night, all the clocks in my house would be changed.  Well, they were not.  We have one clock in our living room that is up rather high, and even on a stool I can't reach it, so it has always been James' job to change it when the time comes.  Well, he still hadn't done it yet.  So, Isaiah has a doctor appt scheduled for 3pm because he is still sick and doesn't seem to be getting any better, so I am in the living room, doing whatever, and I think to my self, "Yep, got plenty of time still."  Then I went into the bedroom to get something and happened to look upon the clock.  Guess what?  It turns out that I only had 15 minutes to get him to Kaiser in Stockton.  Talk about being in a hurry.  Isaiah was outside playing, so I had to hurry him in, then when I thought I had him ready, turns out his diaper needed to be changed.  So I had to do that, and while that was happening I looked at James and said, " This is all your fault."  He was on the phone though at the time with someone from work so he could only look at me.  So, we get to Kaiser at 3:03pm.  Not that bad, I was speeding of course, and I used the valet parking so we didn't have to park far away and walk up to the building.  So, Isaiah is fine, just has a regular cold, we get home.  I walk in, and after getting settled and telling James that Isaiah is fine, he says, "I can't believe you were trying to blame that on me."  I said, "I wasn't trying to blame you, I am blaming you, you didn't change the clocks."  Basically he says it isn't his fault that the time changed.  I say that it is his fault for not changing the clock.  But, whatever.   In the end it is not something that important.  I just thought you all should know so that way when you see him, you can let him know that yes, it was his fault.  lol.