iona's blog 10/30 - 11/5/2005

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Saturday & Sunday, October 29 & 30, 2005

Off the Wall
The phone awakened me early and it took a bit to focus my mind on the message delivered by the rapidly speaking voice. In stabbing staccato, our daughter Kim delivered one piercing bit of bad news after another.

Twelve year old granddaughter Kaylah has an inoperative brain tumor. She is receiving radiation and chemo. No other details available at this time.

Her father Ethan was rear-ended by a semi as both traveled at speeds above 75 mph. Ethan is home from the hospital now. No other details available at this time.

Her eight year old brother was goofing around on the pool table and broke his arm... badly. The cast extends the length of his arm. No other details available at this time.

Her mother (our daughter Crystal) passed out, hit her head and has a concussion. No other details available at this time.

More later, we're on our way to church.

Psalm 84 was the evening service. "Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere..." It was good to be with our church family this evening, but I almost didn't go. I had not slept last night. I was spent by mid-afternoon, but I felt the pull of the Holy Spirit. It was a blessing to be in the house of the Lord, with the family of God.

It's been a stretching weekend. I didn't make it to the Ladies Breakfast. In fact, I got little done other than get some food ready for today's pot luck and finish the Pastor Appreciation gifts we wanted to give the four pastors who serve at FBC.

We went to Wal-Mart, which is always hard for me. I see my dear friends there... ex-coworkers I love. I miss them. I miss my position there. I loved working at Wal-Mart 1697... MY Wal-Mart! Store Manager Silvio Garbarino is an exceptional leader. His wonderful people skills include a genuine warmth and love for people. It was a joy to serve under him.

For a long time after my injury, my picture continued to hang in the layaway area along with the rest of the management team. I used to check it each time I went in. Seeing it there gave me hope of returning and reminded me others felt the same way... but after a time I quit checking... I became complacent. So it was a sad, but not unexpected discovery that my picture was gone. I was off the wall.

My heart was kind of heavy as I left the store. True, I had already been told I would probably never be able to return, and maybe never work again anywhere, but there is a finality about being removed from the wall... I was feeling a bit off the wall.

All sorts of things came at me this weekend. Things to drive me up the wall, or off the wall, but one constant remains... our God is an awesome God! He has called me and set me here in Galt for a purpose... I came to California because He ordained it and used Wal-Mart to accomplish it... I stay here at His bidding and I am full of joy to be here even though I still miss my old church family in Dothan, AL, too.

Tomorrow will be a new and blessed day I will enjoy a bit more after some sleep tonight..

Monday, October 31, 2005
(I'm still working on a response to Eva's blog on Love-see tomorrow)

Moo!
It's a goofy day for me today. I dressed up in my cow suit (bought at Wal-Mart) and delivered dessert to the Link bus drivers and candy to the church for tonight's Festival. Pastor Rob was there and we shared some time in prayer and fellowship. Earlier, he had e-mailed that my link to my old church family (in yesterday's blog) didn't work. I like it that he was thoughtful enough to do that. He is very precious to me... seems to know exactly how to lift my spirits... hmmm, I notice that in a lot of folks who are themselves led by the Holy Spirit.

I tried to get a flu shot at Long's Drugs but I was too late. Oh well, they probably don't give cows flu shots, anyway... although on October 31, they might.

I have gotten only a small part of the work on my planner list done... Cows aren't very good workers, I guess. They just want to hang out eating and chewing their cud. I couldn't find any cud... I'm not really sure what cud is and doubt I'd want to chew it if I found some... so I took off the cow suit and became a poorly dressed housewife in my fancy black velvet shell (worn because the back of the cow suit flops open) and my scrungiest off-green knit pants. Somebody shaped like me should never wear snug fitting knit pants... I do look ghastly!

Then as I took a break to eat a ripe, luscious orange (thank You, Lord, for oranges... what a great creation!) I saw I had changed the dates somehow and had them all wrong on this blog. For example I had yesterday as the 28th rather than the 30th. Who knows how that happened! So now it's fixed and I am typing a blog instead of cleaning my house which is a real mess! Well, not so much a mess as dusty and needing to see a vacuum cleaner.

I go to Stanford with my niece Donna again tomorrow. We will return Wednesday night. I still need to prepare some food to take and get things set here for the time I'm away. Now, with the laptop (thanks so much, Lord) I can do my blog even while I am away!

Now, it's back to work I go, so I can get it all done before the church party at 5:30. This is a day the Lord has made... I am rejoicing and being glad in it while wearing a cow suit over truly tasteless, but somehow dressy bag lady attire... I pray you are doing the same, no matter what you're wearing.

Whatever you do about October 31, do it all unto the glory of God. Let there be no strife. Please see "Christian Moms Wonder About Halloween." Tomorrow we talk about LOVE!

Tuesday, November 1, 2005
(The promised response to Eva's blog on Love)

Love... From the Heart or from the Head?
I love sitting across from Eva in Tom Lane's wonderful Sunday School class. We are blessed in that usually everyone in the class readily participates and is comfortable expressing themselves freely... even when not everyone agrees. This happy circumstance results from a good mix of personalities and a skilled and inspired teacher.

Last Sunday we talked about LOVE and Eva expressed some interesting opinions about loving others. She expressed them again in her 10/30/05 blog...

I am just going to jump right into it. Today in Sunday school class a favorite topic of mine was discussed. Love. One of the most important things in this world. The whole thing was about love in this culture, about how God commands us all to love one another, and the different ways people see love. I brought up the fact that it can be hard to actually love everyone. I admitted that I personally do not love everyone. I gave an example of a family member that I can say I not only do not like, but for sure do not love. I think however that everyone, or mostly everyone, took that to mean that I have a hard time loving people who are "bad people, or mean, or somehow unlikable". Well, I wanted to clarify and maybe explain my dilemma a little bit better. After all, maybe one of you are experiencing the same thing, and can shed some light on it for me. here it is.

So, here it is. For me, love is a feeling. I know I love James because I have felt it before. I don't feel it everyday, and don't expect to either, that's not what being "in love" is about, but I have felt it, numerous times, so I know I love him. I have felt my love for my children, for my mom and my dad, for my close friends, for my grand parents. Having had this feeling at some point lets me know that I love them. Now, there can be a perfectly nice person, who is great to be around, is my friend even, but, I will not be able to say in all honesty that I love that person if I have not felt it. I just can't do that. It feels like a lie. I have no such feelings for them. I might care about that person a lot, I might even cry if they died, but I don't feel any love toward them.

I know what you are saying...love is not a feeling. Well, I am sure that is the case for many people, but I am here to tell you that sadly, it is not the case for me.

I spent some time thinking and praying about Eva's views... she would like to love some folks for whom she has no such "feelings"... and for her, love is a feeling. Now, Eva is one of the most honest people I know and I respect her a great deal. So, when she says that LOVE is a feeling for her, implying, therefore a certain lack of cognitive control over who she would experience love for, I know she is speaking truth, not merely dodging her responsibility as a believer to love her fellow man.

Love has long been portrayed as an emotion over which we have little or no control. People talk of "falling" in or out of love as if it is something that happens to them rather than a conscious choice they make.

To validate Eva's stance, there can be no doubt that love involves intense feelings, deep emotions. Love is the strongest expression of "like," and the antithesis of "hate," but it is a great deal more than that!

Scripture commands us to love God, love our neighbor as ourself, love, love, love... love our enemies, even! And here is how the Bible defines love:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (New International Version
⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

But who can actually DO that?! Not Eva. Not me. Nor you, either. Only one man ever could... Jesus. And it is that same Jesus who will enable us to love like that... if we invite Him to and agree to allow Him to change us over time.

Take time right now to read all of 1 Corinthians 13. Pretty scary! If we have not love, we are nothing and gain nothing! Read it again, asking God to open the eyes of your heart. For genuine love in all its variety is the "stuff" of God and He alone can lead us into its realm.

Love, then, is not what we imagined at all. It is more than a feeling, yet involves the deepest of emotions. It is more than a choice, yet without the choosing, we will never be led into its realities.

Another way to look at love is to consider the sacrifice Jesus made at Calvary. He died for us while we were yet sinners... Pure love is a sacrificial thing. If we would learn to love, and yes, love must indeed be learned... if we would be so educated in the art of love, we must offer as living sacrifices, not only the body, but every aspect of our being.... our soul, mind and spirit.

As a teacher, I know that learning is enhanced by frequent repetition, regular and consistent practice. Learning to love is no different. Put it to the test. Ask God to teach you and do your "homework" by acting as if you genuinely love someone you now don't care for. I believe you will see a difference, or as Eva would say, feel some love before too very long.

You know, when I was younger, I found it hard to love God. Jesus was OK, I liked Him most of the time and believed in Him all the time, but God the Father was harder for me. In all honesty, I sometimes thought he could learn a little tolerance from my dad. It was hard for me to love Father God. I didn't really know Him very well, either. Interestingly enough, the more I sought to know Him through study, prayer and hanging out with believers, the more I began to love Him. It was gradual, and He let me take my time.

So, LOVE is from God. Then, how are we going please Him in this matter?

First, we must make the choice to obey the LOVE commands, to become more like Jesus... even if we feel incapable of doing so.

Next, ask the author of LOVE to teach and enable us to love as He does.

Then, begin acting as if you felt the love God tells us of, relying moment by moment on the Lord's help and enablement. Yes, we will mess up, many times, but we must keep on practicing as we continue along in a most incredible journey... as the Master teaches and leads us to love Him, our neighbors... even our enemies.

The trip will take the rest of our lives.

Friday, November 4, 2005

Lost Days
I am sorry I didn't get an entry up for these past two days. I actually got back from Stanford in time to attend the Wednesday night Bible study... but by the time we got home from that, I was exhausted and went right to sleep. Thursday was packed full, and one thing brain injured folks usually don't handle well is too much going on in any one day.

Thursday morning I was blessed to present a lesson on the Rapture vs. the Second Coming for the Women of Grace. Right after that, I went to a group therapy session for brain injured ladies. It was my first time, but I was so blessed to visit with others who are "like" me. In a way, there has been an "aloneness" for me because few people understand what its like to have an unreliable brain.

After our meeting, I ate lunch in the car and waited until I was focused enough to drive to the Lodi Social Security office. Once there, the worker helped me file an appeal relating to an SSA claim I owe them thousands of dollars. I was doing one of my least favorite things: dealing with the government. It took a while....

I slept for a while in the parking lot of a strip mall before heading home. A headache was brewing and had become full blown by the time I parked in front of our house. No blog. No anything...

I was so impressed with Eva's Blog for 11/2/05. She continued our discussion on love. I am increasingly impressed with James and Eva... They bless me!

Saturday, November 5, 2005

Coming Clean
We started early and finished late. Cleaning carpets, that is. We took most of the furniture outside or to the garage, leaving only the entertainment center and a few other big pieces. Moving the furniture alone was enough to tire me out, but of course, that was only the beginning!

Now, I am longing for my bed. It is not yet 8:00 p.m... early for a night owl like me. My arms and legs ache. For Richard, it is his back that is making protest against the labors of this day. Richard and I shared the shampooing duties and moved the furniture together. We are not in very good shape physically, and today's activities have made that painfully clear to us both.

I guess I need to come clean about this: I have not been the greatest steward of my body. Thankfully, I have been more diligent with my spiritual conditioning, continually striving to become ever more like Jesus. One thing I do daily is ask my Lord to show me areas of my life that are not pleasing to Him, do not honor Him. This is not always a process confined to a single prayer, but is often an all day interchange wherein the Master and I have a dialog... and through the patient nudgings of the Holy Spirit, I begin to understand.

Today, I am (again!) reminded that my body is a temple. It is a repository of the Holy Spirit and I have a responsibility to take decent care of it. Do I think the Lord is asking me to join a gym and go on a diet? No, probably not. I am not feeling so led... I know when I am under conviction, and this is not that. But God is reminding me that I need to be more active and to eat a bit more sensibly. I don't believe He is asking me to make any major lifestyle changes just now, although He might tomorrow.

Considering scripture as a whole, I have come to the conclusion that believers are called to a life of common sense and moderation... more or less. We are also called to be radical risk takers... for Christ. Yet, looking at the personalities we meet in the Bible, I see all sorts... the bold, impulsive Peter, the meticulous and methodical Matthew, or John, so sensitive... the Lord not only understands our differences, He celebrates them... indeed created us each as unique, one-of-a-kind individuals.

So, I am not much of a dieter... I am learning to cook and I love to eat. Exercise isn't really my bag, either, but I have gradually inched up to 180 pounds! And a day of moving furniture and cleaning carpets has wiped me out... God is tapping me on the shoulder. He will help me to live in a more healthy way... but I must ask Him... and I will have to DO it. It's time to clean up my act... health wise.

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