iona's blog 11/20 - 11/26/2005

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

It's So Nice to Be Loved
This was a day of comforting... loving family and friends at church and on the internet offered condolences over the loss of a cat. I consider each an extension of God's love and understanding. Our Lord reached out, sending us Love Notes written on the hugging arms or e-mail notes of people we love and who love us as well. I find it especially heartwarming that people understand... that no one invalidated our grief by saying, "It was only a cat."

After church, we drove Claws way out in the country to an open field much like the high prairie of eastern Colorado where he was born. He used to love to hide, play and roam in the wild prairie grasses. Richard laid his cold and vacant body in the tall grasses and we said our final farewell to our friend and family member. We didn't bury him, preferring to let God's recycling plan proceed as it does in the wild... for Claws was always a little feral... He thought he was a wildcat masquerading as a domestic short hair.

I've gone put to feed Claws, but caught myself. I find myself trying to hear him at doors... Even the dogs are missing Claws. Higgins especially. He has gone to all three doors over and over, but when we open them he just looks out. He has checked and rechecked Claw's favorite napping places. He seems lost without his friend.

We were blessed in church this morning and evening... now, after a meal and some prayer time, I am off to bed. A busy week awaits... and a fun one... come join us for dinner! Seriously. E-mail if interested.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Lessons Taught by Fish
When I was a little girl, I had a gold fish. I won him (or her) at the county fair and I was so thrilled. I was obsessive about his care and changed his water often and carefully. One day as I was in the bathroom changing the fish water, my brother popped his head in and yelled "Boo! Be careful you don't flush him down the commode!" Startled I dropped bowl, fish and all.

Goldie didn't end up in the toilet, instead, he went down the old fashioned, large mouth sink drain along with the water I had running. Stunned and angry, I lashed out at Donnie, saying terrible things to him, calling him mean and stupid. The look of hurt and surprise on his face stopped me in mid-tirade, but the wounds had already been inflicted.

Donnie and I have always been very close. As kids, we teased one another and scuffled good naturedly, but rarely fought. I knew he had not intended any harm and that he was as distraught as I over Goldie's demise. I tried to tell him how sorry I was for the cruel words, and he mumbled, "It's okay," but I knew it was NOT okay at all.

I doubt Donnie even remembers my outburst that Saturday afternoon, but although I don't think of it often, I have never forgotten. I am going to call him tomorrow morning when he gets off work, because today something very special happened...

Today, thanks to some very precious friends from church, not one, but a whole tankfull of fish moved in with me. The Hollingsworths gave us a 58 gallon aquarium, stand and all associated goodies, plus all sorts of beautiful fish and spent most of the day setting it all up for us. Andy helped us move and set up all this and is also knowledgeable about tropical fish.

So, tonight the serenity of an aquatic world graces a wall in our living room... and owning fish again reminds me of that long ago Saturday of Goldie... I will tell my brother about the new fish and once again let him know how sorry I am for my angry outburst... and I will tell him how very much I love him.

The Hollingsworths also gave us a VCR/DVD player combo so we were able to play a videotape of photos of my late cousin Dorothy. Her family sent it to me the other day. It brought back so many memories... I wish I had written or called her more often.

Pastor Rob has recently been focused on searching out his family genealogy. I have a son who is working on that for our family... I don't seem to have time right now. But I am reminded that I need to make more time for seeking out my living relatives... letting them know I love them. Saying, "I'm sorry," if needed.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

When the Server is Down
Last night, Eva lost the blog she had written because the server was down and her FrontPage web authoring software crashed. We must have been working at about the same time (late, LOL) because I had the same experience when I tried to save my blog. I was more fortunate, though, because I had just copied the blog and pasted it into Note Pad so I could have it to post on my backup site. When my FrontPage crashed, I simply waited a few minutes, restarted it and pasted my blog back into my page. All it cost me was a little time.

Something about the server being down caused our software to crash. God is a server of sorts. Jesus came as a servant; Father God serves us in ways we cannot even fathom. The Heavenly servers are never down, but I would crash if they were. I could not operate without the Lord...

The Lord served up some great blessings for me today. First, I got to feed my new fish for the first time, then I was blessed to spend several hours with a friend as we went to Kaiser together. After that, I drove over to the Flying J in Lodi to meet my son, Norman and his truck driving partner for a good visit.

When I got home, dinner was almost ready. I had left 16-bean soup cooking all day so all I had to do was whip up some skillet cornbread and we had one of my favorite meals... shared with a loving hubby. Blessings galore... The Server is not down.

The Server is never down and never will be down. We have a mighty God who is trustworthy... absolutely. And He will restore us when we crash!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Carefree Care
I returned to Kaiser this morning with my friend. We both had some lab work done, picked up some medications and got flu shots. My friend knows her way around the hospital so I was spared my usual lost wanderings, and since we were there early on the day before Thanksgiving, there was almost no waiting. We were in and out in very little time.

There was time enough for a nice visit with my friend, though, and she blessed me as always. She has a long and complex medical history, and like my niece Donna who also has Kaiser, has fought the good fight with cancer and prevailed. The costs of such a battle is mind-boggling.

Our son Richard was seriously injured just one day after our health insurance coverage expired due to a change in employment, so we are well aware of the financial devastation a major medical need can heap on a family.

My first head injury was due to an auto accident in a "no fault" state but nonetheless involved constant haggling with the insurance carrier over which treatments and equipment they would allow. It was the same sad story for the second injury. Now, I have incurred my third head injury, but this time it is under Workmen's Comp... but unbelievably, we have the same issues trying to get approval for care.

In many cases, treatment is more in the hands of insurance adjusters than medical doctors, and all too often the patient is more traumatized by the system than the injury or illness. The process of trying to get approval for prescribed treatments and medications is demeaning and frustrating... and often so complex people give up and go without.

So, today as I received everything my doctor ordered: lab work, meds, flu shot, I was so very, very thankful. No forms to fill out. No adjuster making me feel guilty for needing medical care. Out of pocket expense for all this? $10! How thankful I am to have such great medical coverage.

No, this is not an ad for Kaiser, and indeed I know some folks who have had their problems with this and other managed care providers. But today, it just hit me that for the first time in many, many years, I received medical care that was carefree. I appreciate that so much... God has blessed me greatly... and reminded me to pray for all those who have poor or no insurance. I believe medical care should be available to all who need it.

Friday, November 25, 2005

The Blahs
We had a quiet Thanksgiving. That was good because I didn't feel all that well. I had achy joints, headache and other flu-like symptoms. I wonder if it was due the the flu shot I got the day before... or just a coincidence.

I woke up feeling better, and I woke up in a hurry. I had awakened early and gone back to bed, then Richard woke me up saying my group was here... I had totally forgotten our about Friday Morning Breakfast Club (as I so dubbed it in my mind)... Last Friday we had agreed to meet today.

One couple were here... the others, like me, had forgotten or could not make it for some reason. Richard and I enjoyed a nice visit with the Hollingsworths, anyway. And I felt pretty good until this afternoon when I began feeling pretty rocky again.

I should be in bed but am still up because I am just now in the process of downloading a major Photoshop upgrade. I put off getting it because it's sort of pricy and I dreaded the learning curve that seems to get steeper with each new version of the software. But the time has come and I will be excited to try it... tomorrow after I get some sleep.

Sorry, the blog is kind of "blah" tonight... but then so am I, LOL. Isn't it great that God loves us even when we're blah.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

The Blahs
We have not begun our Christmas shopping. We've never really gotten into the biggest shopping day of the year, the day after Thanksgiving. Traditionally, we get out our Christmas decorations and begin decking the halls, but yesterday, I just didn't feel up to it.

Today wasn't much better, but since Richard had brought everything in, I did do some. He set up the tree and arranged the lights so evenly, it looked like a professional job. Then as I sorted the boxes and set out a few things on tables, he fixed a nice dinner for us. He had already done the laundry and run some errands.

You know, scripture tells us that the husband is head of the house as Christ is head of the church... that a wife should be subject to her husband just as the church is subject to Jesus... and it reminds us that the Lord loved the church enough to die for us... He gave that fully of Himself. I am so blessed to have a husband who, without a second thought, gives so freely of himself.

It is easy for me to be "subject" to Richard because I know I can trust him to always put my welfare ahead of his own. I think this rare and beautiful attribute comes from the fact that he is secure enough in who he is and who the Lord has created him to be that he doesn't need to prove anything to anyone, especially himself.

Also, he trusts me not to take advantage of him, but to place his needs above my own... with God's help. It's harder for me, I think, because I tend to be a very strong willed person and very vocal, often speaking before I think, or pray.

One of my worst habits is redoing something Richard has done for me... as if his efforts weren't good enough. Without stopping to realize how hurtful and unappreciative that is, I will either say something or just "fix" his work a bit. God is working on me about that, one day at a time.

So, today, as my sweet husband took such tender care of me, I was enabled through the Holy Spirit to see nothing but perfection in all he did... and you know, it really was all good, as the teens would say. The tree is lovely, the meal was delicious (although I really couldn't eat much) and the day spent together was blessed in every way.

I am so thankful to have Richard as my husband, and being "subject" to him is an honor!

Now, I am just praying to be well enough to be in church and Sunday School tomorrow!

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